Reading the books: Book 1
by Little Miss Witterer
Summary: The marauders and Lily are sitting in the common room when Sirius comes in with... a book! Together, they read it and find out about a boy named Harry Potter. I know these stories have been done a lot before, but give it a chance. Rated T just in case.
1. Prologue: Finding the Book

**A/N: I know that there are a lot of stories out there like this one. However, I really like them and I've found that most of them end after about the third or fourth chapter when the author gets bored. So, I decided to write one myself. This is my first fic, so apologies if it's really bad. It takes place in the marauder's seventh year, when Lily is starting to accept them as friends but she and James aren't going out yet. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like to, I don't own any characters or places that you may recognise. Harry Potter belongs to the wonderful JK Rowling, and I daresay if I had written the books, they would have turned out a lot differently, with Fred, Lupin, Tonks, Dobby, etc. never dying. **

**Prologue: Finding the book**

"Hey guys! Guess what I found in the library!" Sirius bounded into the Gryffindor common room, knocking over a couple of first years as he went.

"A book? Really Padfoot?" Remus sighed. "You've only just realised that there are books in the library?"

He and Lily were sitting in the midst of a vast pile of books, some open to pages filled with incomprehensible runes. James was opposite from them, working on a transfiguration essay and, when he thought she wasn't looking, shooting hopeful glances at Lily. Sirius plonked himself down in the middle, sending books toppling to the floor and paper fluttering everywhere.

"Not just any book, my dear Moony. Look at the title."

He handed the book over. "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone," Remus read. "Any relation of yours, Prongs?"

"Not that I know of. I have a great uncle called Barry, though. Maybe it's a misprint. Can't see why anyone would want to write about him though. Only time he's actually interesting is when you get him talking about camels. He's weirdly passionate about them…" He trailed off, lost in thought.

"Anyway…" said Lily, snapping him back to the present. "Why don't we check the publishing date? That'll probably give us a bit more information."

Remus opened the book, and peered at the small print on the first page. "That can't be right."

"What's wrong, Moony?" James asked.

"It says the publishing date is 1997. As in, 20 years from now."

But that's impossible! Let me see." He handed the book over to Lily. She turned to the first page, read the date, and shook her head. "What the…"

"Where did you get this from in the library, Padfoot?" Remus asked.

"The Forbidden Section. If I'm gonna go into the library, I have to at least break some rules. I don't want to turn into a complete nerd like you two."

Remus and Lily glared at him.

"I'm sorry, but it's true. Look at yourselves, you're doing homework over the Christmas holidays!"

"Homework's not that bad. Maybe you should try it." Said James.

"You're just saying that so you can get into Evans' good books."

"Shut up."

"Can we focus please?! We have a book from the future, possibly about one of James' relatives, and you two are arguing like little girls!"

"Sorry, Lily."

"So are we gonna read it?" asked Sirius.

"What about Wormy?"

"Don't worry about him, Moony; I'm sure he's having fun at his aunt's. He can spend all Christmas getting chased around by her 7 cats. If there's anything interesting in this book, we can tell him when he gets back."

"If you're sure, Pads…"

"Of course I am! Now who wants to read first?"

"I will, seeing as I'm already holding it." said Lily. She opened it to the first page. "Chapter One- The Boy Who Lived."

**A/N: Thanks for reading! What do you think? Good? Bad? Unbearable? Review to let me know. Reviewers will be given fresh-from-the-oven chocolate chip cookies. Mmm… cookies…**


	2. The Boy Who Lived

**A/N: Here's the second chapter! By the way, it will be just James, Lily, Sirius, and Remus reading, unless I get any really convincing reviews telling me to add other people in. I'm trying to keep this as close to canon (within reason) as possible, but if you see any mistakes, tell me and I'll be happy to correct them.**

**Thank you to all the people who reviewed, favourited, and put this on story alerts! I was literally jumping up and down in excitement when I found out!**

**DracoGurl721: Thank you very much! Here it is!**

**Lady Leaf8: I know, it's really annoying when people just stop partway through, so I definitely intend to see this through to the very end. Any criticisms will be welcome.**

**ashtree22: Thank you! Here's the next chapter for you! **

**Disclaimer: Do you really think that if I owned Harry Potter I would be sitting here writing fanfiction? Think, people.**

**Chapter One: The Boy Who Lived**

**Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.**

"They sound… nice," said Sirius.

"It's weird, I think Dursley is the name of my sister's boyfriend," Lily said thoughtfully. "Although it might be something else. I never really paid attention. He's not the most interesting of people." She shuddered and continued to read.

**They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense.**

"That does sound like Tuney,"

"But why would your sister be in this book? I thought it was about my family. Unless… YES!" James punched the air triumphantly. "Maybe we're together, Lils! That has to be it! Pay up, Sirius, I told you she'd say yes one day!"

"I wouldn't count on it, mate. She doesn't exactly look overjoyed at your revelation."

Lily was sitting there, shocked. Her face was pale, and she was muttering to herself "please no, not him, anyone but him…"

"Lily? Do you want me to carry on?" Remus asked.

"No, I can do it," Lily said, snapping herself out of it.

**Mr Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings, which made drills. He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large moustache.**

"Attractive," said Sirius. James snorted.

**Mrs Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck,**

"So overall, they balance each other out, neckwise," James said.

**which came in very useful as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on the neighbours. The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley and in their opinion there was no finer boy anywhere.**

"Well they sound like a charming family," said Remus.

**The Dursleys had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret, and their greatest fear was that somebody would discover it.**

"Dudley has an evil twin they have locked up in the attic?" James guessed.

"Dudley probably is the evil twin. They don't seem like the type to keep a nice child. It's more likely that Mr Dursley's drill company is just a cover for the suburban mafia that he's in charge of," said Remus.

"Nah, I reckon they're all really aliens planning on taking over the planet," Sirius said.

"Wouldn't surprise me, knowing Tuney. Shall we find out?" Lily turned back to the book.

**They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters.**

"Hey! We're a good family!"

**Mrs Potter was Mrs Dursley's sister**

"YES!" James leapt up on his chair and started doing a victory dance.

"James, stop it. Everyone's staring," Lily muttered under her breath. It was true; all heads in the common room were turned towards James, open mouthed. He froze, glanced round at everyone, then shamefacedly sat down again. Sirius and Remus were shaking with silent laughter, while Lily looked on disapprovingly. She kept that expression for a couple of seconds, before she cracked and burst out laughing.

"Do you mind?" James said, sounding irritated. Lily tried to speak, but only succeeded in laughing even harder. After about a minute, their cackling subsided and they sat up, wiping tears from their eyes. Lily picked up the book.

**but they hadn't met for several years; in fact, Mrs Dursley pretended she didn't have a sister, because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband**

"Hey!"

**were as unDursleyish as it was possible to be.**

"Good. My only goal in life is to be as unlike my sister as possible."

**The Dursleys shuddered to think what the neighbours would say if the Potters arrived in the street.**

"Probably something like 'who's that amazing looking couple walking down the street? I wish I could be half as awesome as they are, just seeing them from a distance has made my lifebetter in every way'." James said.

"I doubt it mate. It would be more like 'who's that scrawny little kid with the stupid hair and how did he pull that hottie'" said Sirius.

**The Dursleys knew that the Potters had a small son too,**

"Imagine that… Prongs as a father," Remus said and shuddered.

"Poor kid," said Sirius.

**but they had never even seen him. This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want Dudley mixing with a child like that.**

"Like what, exactly?" Lily said. "Honestly, Tuney, I'm not that bad!"

"Yeah, and he's a Potter, so he's got to be awesome!" James said.

"Not if he's anything like you, he won't be," said Remus. Sirius sniggered.

**When Mr and Mrs Dursley woke up on the dull, grey Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over the country. Mr Dursley hummed as he picked out his most boring tie for work**

"What's a tie?" Sirius asked.

"I thought you were taking Muggle Studies, Pads," said Remus.

"Yeah, but that was just to annoy Mum,"

"A tie is a piece of Muggle clothing that they wear around their necks, to make them look smarter," Lily said.

"Like a noose?"

"Not quite. Now shush, I want to get on with reading. We've just got to the actual story bit."

**and Mrs Dursley gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming Dudley into his highchair.**

"Have I said how much I'm going to love my nephew?" James asked.

**None of them noticed a large tawny owl flutter past the window.**

"Muggles. They don't notice anything." said Sirius.

**At half-past eight, Mr Dursley picked up his briefcase, pecked Mrs Dursley on the cheek and tried to kiss Dudley goodbye but missed, because Dudley was now having a tantrum and throwing his cereal at the walls.**

James turned to Lily. "Let's never visit their house,"

"Agreed,"

"Ah, you two are getting on like a house on fire. It's almost as if you were married."

"Shut up, Pads,"

**'Little tyke' chortled Mr Dursley as he left the house. He got into his car and backed out of number four's drive. It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar- a cat reading a map.**

"McGonagall!" they all cried. People in the common room looked around, alarmed, before turning back to their conversations when they had assured themselves that their rather stern head of house was not in the room.

**For a second, Mr Dursley didn't realise what he had seen- then he jerked his head around to look again. There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of Privet Drive, but there wasn't a map in sight. What could he have been thinking of? It must have been a trick of the light.**

"Like I said, Muggles. They're thick." Sirius said.

**Mr Dursley blinked and stared at the cat. It stared back.**

"Beware of the famous McGonagall stare!" Sirius cried.

"They say that she could turn Merlin to dust with it!" James added.

"I've heard that even Dumbledore himself is scared of it!" Remus continued. They all fell about laughing. Lily shook her head.

"You lot are idiots."

**As Mr Dursley drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. It was now reading the sign that said ****_Privet Drive_****- no, ****_looking _****at the sign; cats couldn't read maps ****_or_**** signs. **

"Thick, thick, thickety thick," Sirius sang. "Thickety thick thick thick!"

**Mr Dursley gave himself a little shake and put the cat out of his mind.**

"McGonagall won't appreciate that," said James.

**As he drove towards town he thought of nothing except a large order of drills he was hoping to get that day.**

"Bit single-minded, isn't he?" said Remus.

**But on the edge of town, drills were driven out of his mind by something else. As he sat in the usual morning traffic jam, he couldn't help but noticing that there seemed to be a lot of strangely dressed people about. People in cloaks.**

"What's wrong with cloaks?"

"Muggles don't wear them, James,"

**Mr Dursley couldn't bear people who dressed in funny clothes- the get-ups you saw on young people! He supposed this was some stupid new fashion. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of those weirdos standing quite close by. They were whispering excitedly together.**

"What about though?" Sirius wondered.

"I dunno. It's a bit weird though, all of these wizards out in bright daylight. What's so important that they feel fine with breaking the law?" Remus said.

**Mr Dursley was enraged to see that a couple of them weren't young at all; why, that man had to be older than he was, and wearing an emerald green cloak!**

"Emerald green's a bit much," said Lily.

"I reckon I could pull it off," Sirius said, posing.

"Moving on…" said Lily.

**The nerve of him! But then it struck Mr Dursley that this was probably some silly stunt- these people were obviously collecting for something… yes, that would be it. The traffic moved on and a few minutes later, Mr Dursley arrived in the Grunnings car park, his mind back on drills.**

"Yay, drills again," Sirius said sarcastically.

**Mr Dursley always sat with his back to the window in his office on the ninth floor.**

"Why would you sit with your back to the window? It means you can't look out and daydream… I mean, concentrate on the teacher," said James, noticing Lily's glare.

**If he hadn't, he might have found it harder to concentrate on drills that morning. ****_He _****didn't see the owls swooping past in broad daylight, though people down in the street did;**

"Blatant disregard for the Statute of Secrecy," Remus muttered.

**they pointed and gazed open-mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead. Most of them had never seen an owl even at night-time. Mr Dursley, however, had a perfectly normal, owl-free morning.**

"Boring!" said James and Sirius in unison.

**He yelled at five different people.**

"How nice of him," said Lily.

**He made several important telephone calls and shouted a bit more.**

"I'm liking him more and more," said Remus.

**He was in a very good mood until lunch-time, when he thought he'd stretch his legs and walk across the road to buy himself a bun from the bakers opposite.**

"Until the end of that sentence, I was thinking he was actually going to do something healthy," said Sirius.

**He'd forgotten all about the people in cloaks until he passed a group of them next to the baker's. He eyed them angrily as he passed.**

"What did they ever do to you?" said Sirius, annoyed.

**He didn't know why, but they made him uneasy. This lot were whispering excitedly, too, and he couldn't see a single collecting tin.**

"Seriously, what is going on?" asked Sirius.

"Maybe if you shut up, we'll find out," said Remus.

**It was on his way back past them, clutching a large doughnut in a bag,**

"Greedy,"

**that he caught a few words of what they were saying.**

**'The Potters, that's right, that's what I heard-'**

**'-yes, their son, Harry-'**

"Oh, so our son's called Harry? He's the one on the cover?"

"James, has it really taken you that long to work that out? You know what, don't answer that."

**Mr Dursley stopped dead. **

"Hooray, he's died!"

"That's not what it means, Sirius."

**Fear flooded him. He looked back at the whisperers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better of it.**

"Good, they probably didn't want to talk to you anyway," said James.

**He dashed back**

"I didn't know he could run," said Sirius.

"It probably caused an earthquake." said Remus.

**across the road, hurried up to his office, snapped at his secretary not to disturb him, seized his telephone and had almost finished dialling his home number when he changed his mind. He put down the receiver and stroked his moustache, thinking…**

"He should stop that. He might hurt himself." sniggered James.

**no, he was being stupid. Potter wasn't such an unusual name. He was sure there were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry. Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure his nephew ****_was _****called Harry. It might have been Harvey. Or Harold.**

"Definitely not. I would never call a child of mine Harold." said James.

"And I wouldn't call him Harvey either." added Lily.

"Still not as bad as Dudley though," Remus chipped in.

**There was no point in worrying Mrs Dursley, **

"Why is he calling her Mrs Dursley?" asked James.

"I dunno, it's a bit weird, isn't it?" Remus replied.

**she always got so upset at any mention of her sister. He didn't blame her- if ****_he'd _****had a sister like that… but all the same, those people in cloaks… He found it a lot harder to concentrate on drills that afternoon and when he left the building at five o'clock, he was still so worried that he walked straight into someone just outside the door.**

"Rude!" cried Sirius.

**'Sorry,' he grunted, as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell. It was a few seconds before Mr Dursley realised that the man was wearing a violet cloak. He didn't seem at all upset at being almost knocked to the ground. On the contrary, his face split into a wide smile and he said in a squeaky voice that made passers-by stare: 'Don't be sorry, my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice, for You-Know-Who has gone at last!**

"Voldemort's gone? Awesome!" said Sirius.

"And it sounds like we had something to do with it!" James said to Lily.

"I just hope we're all ok." she replied.

**Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating, this happy, happy day!' And the old man hugged Mr Dursley around the middle and walked off.**

"Bit weird."

**Mr Dursley stood rooted to the spot. He had been hugged by a complete stranger. **

"He thinks it's weird too!"

"Thinking like Mr Dursley probably isn't a good thing, Prongs,"

**He also thought he had been called a Muggle, whatever that was. He was rattled. He hurried to his car and set off home, hoping he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of imagination.**

"Well isn't he a bundle of joy," said Remus.

**As he pulled into the driveway of number four, the first thing he saw- and it didn't improve his mood- was the tabby cat he'd spotted that morning. It was now sitting on his garden wall. He was sure it was the same one; it had the same markings around its eyes.**

**'Shoo!' said Mr Dursley loudly.**

"Careful, she might put you in detention!" said Sirius.

**The cat didn't move. It just gave him a stern look.**

"I've been on the receiving end of that look before."

"Yeah, he needs to be careful; he's entering the danger zone."

**Was this normal cat behaviour, Mr Dursley wondered. Trying to pull himself together, he let himself into the house. He was still determined not to mention anything to his wife. Mrs Dursley had had a nice, normal day. She told him over dinner all about Mrs Next Door's problems with her daughter**

"Nosy,"

**and how Dudley had learnt a new word ('Shan't!'). **

"What a charming little boy."

**Mr Dursley tried to act normally. When Dudley had been put to bed, he went into the living-room in time to catch the last report on the evening news: **

**'And finally, bird watchers everywhere have reported that the nation's owls have been behaving very unusually today. Although owls hunt at night and are hardly ever seen in daylight,**

"Apart from when we get the morning post."

"Shut up, Pads."

**there have been hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since sunrise. Experts are unable to explain why the owls have suddenly changed their sleeping pattern.' The news reader allowed himself a grin.**

"Is he not normally allowed to smile?"

**'Most mysterious. And now, over to Jim McGuffin with the weather. Going to be any more showers of owls tonight, Jim?'**

"He thinks he's so funny…"

**'Well, Ted,' said the weatherman, 'I don't know about that, but it's not only the owls that have been acting oddly today. Viewers as far apart as Kent, Yorkshire and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that instead of the rain I promised yesterday, they've had a downpour of shooting stars!**

"Awesome! Prongs, we have to learn how to do that!"

"Yeah, that would be amazing!"

**Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early- it's not until next week, folks!**

"Who says 'folks'?" Remus asked. "So cheesy."

**But I can promise a wet night tonight.' **

**Mr Dursley sat frozen in his armchair. Shooting stars all over Britain? Owls flying by daylight? Mysterious people in cloaks all over the place? And a whisper, a whisper about the Potters…**

"Well that last bit isn't weird. People are always whispering about the Potters and how awesome they are. It's an occupational hazard of being a member of my family."

"More like they're whispering about how annoying you are."

"Hey! According to this, you're going to be a part of the family soon!"

"Not if you carry on like this I won't."

"You two sound just like a married couple," Sirius interrupted.

**Mrs Dursley came into the living-room carrying two cups of tea. It was no good. He'd have to say something to her. He cleared his throat. 'Er- Petunia, dear- you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you?'**

**As he had expected, Mrs Dursley looked shocked and angry. After all, they normally pretended she didn't have a sister.**

"I know we don't like each other, but that's a bit much, Tuney,"

**'No,' she said sharply. 'Why?'**

**'Funny stuff on the news,' Mr Dursley mumbled. 'Owls… shooting stars… and there were a lot of funny looking people in town today…'**

**'****_So?_****' snapped Mrs Dursley.**

"He'd better watch out," said James. "She sounds mad, and if she's got the Evans temper…"

He trailed off at Lily's look.

**'Well, I just thought… maybe… it was something to do with… you know… ****_her lot._****'**

"Can he really not say the word 'wizard'?" asked James contemptuously. "It won't kill him."

**Mrs Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips. Mr Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her that he'd heard the name 'Potter'. He decided he didn't dare.**

"Wise man."

**Instead he said, as casually as he could, 'Their son- he'd be about Dudley's age now, wouldn't he?'**

**'I suppose so,' said Mrs Dursley stiffly.**

**'What was his name again? Howard, wasn't it?'**

**'Harry. Nasty, common name if you ask me.'**

"Better than Dudley."

**'Oh, yes,' said Mr Dursley, his heart sinking horribly. 'Yes, I quite agree.'**

**He didn't say another word on the subject as they went upstairs to bed. While Mrs Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr Dursley crept to the bedroom window and peered down into the front garden. The cat was still there.**

"McGonagall's a bit obsessive, isn't she?"

**It was staring down Privet Drive as though it was waiting for something. Was he imagining things? **

"Nope."

"Stop it, Padfoot."

**Could this have anything to do with the Potters?**

"Probably."

"I swear to God, Padfoot, if you don't shut up you _will _regret it."

"I can't help it, he keeps asking questions! I'm just answering them!"

**If it did… if it got out that they were related to a pair of- well, he didn't think he could bear it. **

**The Dursleys got into bed. Mrs Dursley fell asleep quickly but Mr Dursley lay awake, turning it all over in his mind. His last, comforting thought was that if the Potters ****_were _****involved, there was no reason for them to come near him and Mrs Dursley.**

"Again, he's calling her Mrs Dursley! She's your wife; you can call her by her first name!"

"Ok, James, calm down. He can't hear you."

**The Potters knew very well what he and Petunia**

"That's better."

**thought about them and their kind… He couldn't see how he and Petunia could get mixed up in anything that might be going on- he yawned and turned over- it couldn't affect ****_them…_**

"Well it obviously does affect them or they wouldn't be in the book. Duh!"

"They don't know that, Padfoot."

**How very wrong he was.**

"Told you, Moony!"

"I never said otherwise, Padfoot."

**Mr Dursley might have been drifting into an uneasy sleep, but the cat on the wall was showing no signs of sleepiness.**

James frowned. "I don't think McGonagall ever sleeps."

"I'm not entirely convinced that she's even human." Sirius replied.

**It was sitting as still as a statue, its eyes fixed unblinkingly on the corner of Privet Drive.**

"Do cats even blink?" Sirius interrupted.

"Does it matter, Padfoot?" Remus said wearily.

"Well if cats don't blink, then it's not that weird that its eyes are fixed _unblinkingly _on the corner, is it?"

"Padfoot, do you want to find out what happens in the story or not?"

"Yeah," he mumbled. "Carry on, Lily."

**It didn't so much as quiver when a car door slammed in the next street, nor when two owls swooped overhead. In fact, it was nearly midnight before the cat moved at all.**

"Ooh, spooky," James started waving his arms around in an ethereal manner. "Watch out, McGonagall, midnight is when all the ghosts come out and suck out your soul!"

"James, you've been at Hogwarts for how long? Does Nearly Headless Nick seem the soul-sucking type to you?"

"Sorry, Lily,"

**A man appeared on the corner the cat had been watching, appeared so suddenly and silently you'd have thought he'd just popped out of the ground.**

"Wait, McGonagall's meeting up with a man? At night? Secretly?" Sirius looked revolted.

"I wouldn't have thought she'd be the sort to go in for romantic trysts." Remus added.

"To be honest, I don't really want to think about it." James joined them in their horror.

"I'll just get it over with quickly" Lily said shakily.

**The cat's tail twitched and its eyes narrowed. Nothing like this man had ever been seen in Privet Drive. He was tall, thin and very old, **

"Don't think much of McGonagall's taste."

**judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt. He was wearing long robes, a purple cloak which swept the ground and high-heeled, buckled boots.**

"High-heeled?"

"I don't think it means like that, Pads."

**His blue eyes were light, bright and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked, as though it had been broken at least twice.**

"Oh God," Remus interjected. "Please don't let them be describing who I think they're describing."

"I think they are, Remus." Lily said. "Although I really hope not." She closed her eyes, preparing herself, and turned back to the book.

**This man's name was Albus Dumbledore. **

"EW!"

"Don't yell, Pads!"

"Sorry, Moony, it's just… McGonagall… and Dumbledore… together…" he shuddered.

"I'm never going to be able to look at either of them the same way again." said James.

"Maybe that's not what it means," Lily said, with the air of grasping at straws. "I'll keep going, maybe it'll be different. Maybe they're just meeting up to discuss homework… or lesson plans… or something…"

**Albus Dumbledore didn't seem to realise that he had just arrived in a street where everything from his name to his boots was unwelcome.**

"He probably does, he knows everything."

**He was busy rummaging in his cloak, looking for something. But he did seem to realise that he was being watched, because he looked up suddenly at the cat, which was still staring at him from the other end of the street. For some reason, the sight of the cat seemed to amuse him.**

"Definitely amuse? Not arouse?"

"It says amuse in the book, James."

"Good."

**He chuckled and muttered, 'I should have known.'**

"Well, that doesn't sound romantic. Maybe we were wrong."

"Don't count your chickens, Prongs."

**He had found what he was looking for in his inside pocket. It seemed to be a silver cigarette lighter.**

"A what?"

"A cigarette lighter. It lights cigarettes, a sort of Muggle pipe. Seriously Sirius, you need to pay attention in Muggle Studies."

"Haha, you said 'seriously Sirius'"

"Shut up."

**He flicked it open, held it up in the air and clicked it. The nearest street lamp went out with a little pop.**

"Mood lighting! I told you to wait for it, Prongs!"

**He clicked it again- the next lamp flickered into darkness. Twelve times he clicked the Put-Outer,**

"That's an imaginative name,"

**until the only lights left in the whole street were two tiny pinpricks in the distance, which were the eyes of the cat watching him. If anyone looked out of their window now, even beady-eyed Mrs Dursley, they wouldn't be able to see anything that was happening down on the pavement.**

"Cheeky!"

"I think it just means magic, Sirius."

**Dumbledore slipped the Put-Outer back inside his cloak and set off down the street towards number four, where he sat down on the wall next to the cat. He didn't look at it, but after a moment he spoke to it.**

**'Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall.'**

**He turned to smile at the tabby, but it had gone. Instead he was smiling at a rather severe looking woman who was wearing square glasses exactly the shape of the markings the cat had around its eyes. She, too, was wearing a cloak, an emerald one. Her black hair was drawn into a tight bun. She looked distinctly ruffled.**

"Ruffled? Surely that's how she'll be looking after her 'meeting' with Dumbledore."

"Padfoot, that's sick."

**'How did you know it was me?' she asked.**

**'My dear Professor, I've never seen a cat sit so stiffly.'**

**'You'd be stiff if you'd been sitting on a brick wall all day,' said Professor McGonagall.**

"All day? She was that eager to see him?"

"Padfoot, I'm serious, if you don't stop going on about this, I'll hex you so hard you'll never walk again."

"Actually, I'm Sirius."

"Don't start that again."

**'All day? When you could have been celebrating? I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here.'**

"Is anyone else hungry?"

"We've just had dinner, Prongs!"

"I know, Moony, but it was venison! I couldn't eat that!"

"What's wrong with venison?"

He hesitated. "Nothing, Lily."

**Professor McGonagall sniffed angrily. **

**'Oh yeas, everyone's celebrating, all right,' she said impatiently. 'You'd think they'd be a bit more careful, but no- even the Muggles have noticed something's going on. It was on their news.' She jerked her head back at the Dursleys' dark living-room window. 'I heard it. Flocks of owls… shooting stars… Well, they're not completely stupid. They were bound to notice something.**

"That's what I said!"

"Moony, you're thinking like a teacher. That's not something to be proud of."

"There's nothing wrong with teachers. If I was allowed, I would be a teacher."

"Why wouldn't you be allowed?" Lily asked.

"Don't worry about it, Lily."

"Moony, we've told you, your furry little problem shouldn't be a problem. Dumbledore let you into the school. He's sure to let you be a teacher."

"What are you guys talking about? What furry little problem?" Lily was looking from one marauder to another, confused.

"Lily, really, don't worry about it. Just keep reading."

**Shooting stars down in Kent- I'll bet that was Dedalus Diggle. He never had much sense.'**

"Isn't he that really small guy? The weird one who came up to me in Diagon Alley, shook my hand and congratulated me on leaving the Black family?"

"I think so. I liked him."

"Just because he was wearing a top hat, Prongs."

"What! Not many people can pull off that look, you know."

**'You can't blame them.' said Dumbledore gently. 'We've had precious little to celebrate for eleven years.'**

"Eleven years? What do you think has been happening?"

**'I know that,' said Professor McGonagall irritably. 'But that's no reason to lose our heads. People are being downright careless, out on the streets in broad daylight, not even dressed in Muggle clothes, swapping rumours.'**

"She's sounding more and more like you now, Moony," Sirius said, sounding worried. "Maybe you are destined to become a teacher. The horror!"

**She threw a sharp, sideways glance at Dumbledore here, as though hoping he was going to tell her something, but he didn't, so she went on: 'A fine thing it would be if, on the very day You-Know-Who seems to have disappeared at last,**

"MOULDYMORT'S GONE!"

"Padfoot, calm down!"

"Sorry, Moony, but finally! He's actually gone! And if this book has it right, we only have to put up with him for another 4 or 5 years!"

"I wonder how it happened…"

**the Muggles found out about us all. I suppose he really ****_has _****gone, Dumbledore?'**

**'It certainly seems so,' said Dumbledore. 'We have much to be thankful for. Would you care for a sherbet lemon?'**

"That wasn't a very sly change of subject, was it? I expected better from Dumbledore."

"Like you could do much better, James."

**'A ****_what?' _**

**'A sherbet lemon. They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of.'**

"Actually, they do taste very nice."

**'No thank you,' said Professor McGonagall coldly, as though she didn't think this was the right moment for sherbet lemons.**

"And quite right too. I want to find out how old Voldykins died."

"Yeah, and I want to know how my son is involved in this." James added.

**'As I say, even if You-Know-Who ****_has _****gone-'**

**'My dear Professor, surely a sensible person like yourself can call him by his name? All this "You-Know-Who nonsense- for eleven years I have been trying to persuade people to call him by his proper name: ****_Voldemort._****'**

"Or, as I like to call him, Voldesnort."

**Professor McGonagall flinched, but Dumbledore, who was unsticking two sherbet lemons, seemed not to notice. 'It all gets so confusing if we keep saying "You-Know-Who". I have never seen any reason to be frightened of saying Voldemort's name.'**

**'I know you haven't,' said Professor McGonagall, sounding half exasperated, half admiring.**

"Ooh, she's admiring him."

"Padfoot," Remus said warningly.

**'But you're different. Everyone knows you're the only one You-Know- oh, all right, ****_Voldemort, _****was frightened of.'**

**'You flatter me,' said Dumbledore calmly. 'Voldemort had powers I will never have.'**

**'Only because you're too- well- ****_noble_**** to use them.'**

"Ok, they're definitely flirting there."

**'It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new ear-muffs.'**

"See?"

**Professor McGonagall shot a sharp look at Dumbledore and said, 'The owls are nothing to the ****_rumours _****that are flying around. You know what everyone's saying? About why he's disappeared? About what finally stopped him?'**

"Finally we're getting to the good bit."

**It seemed that professor McGonagall had finally reached the point she was most anxious to discuss, the real reason she had been waiting on a cold hard wall all day, for neither as a cat nor as a woman had she fixed Dumbledore with such a piercing stare as she did now. It was plain that whatever 'everyone' was saying, she was not going to believe it until Dumbledore told her it was true. Dumbledore, however, was choosing another sherbet lemon and did not answer.**

"Get on with it!"

**'What they're ****_saying_****,' she pressed on, 'is that last night Voldemort turned up in Godric's Hollow. He went to find the Potters.**

Lily paused, and she and James looked at each other nervously.

**The rumour is that Lily and James Potter are- are- that they're- ****_dead_****.'**

Amongst the chatter of the common room, they alone were silent. They sat there, pale and shocked. Lily didn't dare continue. Slowly, James raised his head and looked at her, eyes beseeching her to say something, anything. She obliged, albeit hesitantly.

"It- it's not necessarily, well, _real, _is it?"

"I don't know," Remus replied. "They seem to have Dumbledore and McGonagall pretty spot on."

A thought occurred to James. "Maybe Sirius found this book for a reason. Maybe we're meant to find out about all of this, so we can change it!"

"Yeah, maybe," said Lily. "It's risky, but I'm sure we could do it!" She picked up the book again and went on:

**Dumbledore bowed his head. Professor McGonagall gasped.**

**'Lily and James… I can't believe it… I didn't want to believe it… Oh, Albus…'**

"Never knew Minnie was so fond of you, Prongs,' Sirius joked nervously.

**Dumbledore reached out and patted her on the shoulder. 'I know… I know…'**

**Professor McGonagall's voice trembled as she went on: 'That's not all. They're saying he tried to kill the Potter's son, Harry. But- he couldn't. He couldn't kill that little boy.**

"Wait- what?" Remus said. "How is that possible?"

**No one knows why, or how, but they're saying that when he couldn't kill Harry Potter Voldemort's power somehow broke- and that's why he's gone.'**

"Wow, your son beat Baldy Voldy, Prongs," said Sirius.

"Yeah," James replied, giving a shaky laugh. "Just shows how awesome the Potters are."

**Dumbledore nodded glumly. **

**'It's- it's true?' faltered Professor McGonagall. 'After all he's done… all the people he's killed… he couldn't kill a little boy? It's just astounding… of all the things to stop him… but how in the name of heaven did Harry survive?'**

**'We can only guess,' said Dumbledore. 'We may never know.'**

"I bet Dumbledore does know," said Sirius. "He's just not telling anyone to be annoying."

**Professor McGonagall pulled out a lace handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes beneath her spectacles. Dumbledore gave a great sniff as he took a golden watch from his pocket and examined it. It was a very odd watch. It had twelve hands but no numbers; instead, little planets were moving around the edge.**

"I remember when I was a kid, I could never understand my dad's watch," James admitted. "To be honest, I'm still not all that sure how to use them."

**It must have made sense to Dumbledore, though, because he put it back in his pocket and said, 'Hagrid's late. I suppose it was he who told you I'd be here, by the way?'**

**'Yes,' said Professor McGonagall. 'And I don't suppose you're going to tell me ****_why _****you're here, of all places?'**

**'I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle. They're the only family he has left now.'**

"WHAT?!" James exploded.

"Why Tuney? She hates me and anything to do with magic! Surely Dumbledore can't let _her _look after Harry!"

"What about my parents?" James asked. "Why can't they look after him?"

"There is a war on, James," Remus said sadly. "Maybe they're not around anymore."

"But still!" Lily cried. "Why can't you take care of him Remus? Or you, Sirius?"

"Well, I know why I can't," said Remus. "But I don't know about Sirius."

"Yeah!" Sirius said. "What about me! I'd be a great parent! Well… I'd be better than _them _anyway!"

"Just read on Lily," James said. "Remember, it's not going to happen anyway. We're going to change it."

**'You don't mean- you ****_can't _****mean the people who live here?' cried Professor McGonagall, jumping to her feet and pointing to number four.**

"Good old Minnie!" Sirius cried.

**'Dumbledore- you can't. I've been watching them all day. You couldn't find two people who are less like us. And they've got this son- I saw him kicking his mother all the way up the street, screaming for sweets. Harry Potter come and live here!'**

**'It's the best place for him,'**

"No it's not!"

**said Dumbledore firmly. 'His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older, I've written them a letter.'**

**'A letter?' repeated Professor McGonagall faintly, sitting back down on the wall. 'Really, Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in a letter? These people will never understand him! He'll be famous- a legend-**

"But then, all of the Potters are legends,"

**I wouldn't be surprised if today was known as harry Potter day in future- there will be books written about Harry- every child in our world will know his name!'**

**'Exactly,' said Dumbledore, looking very seriously over the top of his half-moon glasses. 'It would be enough to turn any boy's head. Famous before he can walk and talk! Famous for something he won't even remember! Can't you see how much better off he'll be, growing up away from all that until he's ready to take it?'**

"He's got a point," said Lily. "I wouldn't want my son turning out as arrogant as his father."

"Hey!"

"She's got a point, Prongs, mate,"

"Fair enough."

**Professor McGonagall opened her mouth, changed her mind, swallowed and then said, 'Yes- yes, you're right, of course. But how is the boy getting here, Dumbledore?' She eyed his cloak suddenly as though she thought he might be hiding Harry underneath it.**

"Imagine if he was," said Sirius, laughing. "Imagine if he always just carried random babies round in his cloak, waiting for the perfect opportunity to take them out and see the look on everyone's faces."

**'Hagrid's bringing him.'**

"That's good. Hagrid's a good person, he'll protect Harry." James said, looking content, until a thought occurred to him, and his expression became uneasy. "Unless he sits on him. Hagrid isn't exactly the most careful of blokes, is he?"

**'You think it- ****_wise_****- to trust Hagrid with something as important as this?'**

**'I would trust Hagrid with my life,' said Dumbledore.**

**'I'm not saying his heart isn't in the right place,' said Professor McGonagall grudgingly, 'but you can't pretend he's not careless. He does tend to- what was that?'**

**A low rumbling sound had broken the silence around them. it grew steadily louder as they looked up and down the street for some sign of a headlight; it swelled to a roar as they both looked up at the sky- and a huge motorbike fell out of the air and landed on the road in front of them.**

"AWESOME!"

"Padfoot!"

"I want one!"

"For the last time, you're not getting a flying motorbike, Padfoot!"

"Please!"

"No!"

**If the motorbike was huge, it was nothing to the man sitting astride it. He was almost twice as tall as a normal man and at least five times as wide. He looked simply too big to be allowed, and so ****_wild_****- **

"That's only until you get to know him. He's a sweetheart really."

**long tangles of bushy black hair and beard hid most of his face, he had hands the size of dustbin lids and his feet in their leather boots were like baby dolphins. In his vast, muscular arms he was holding a bundle of blankets.**

**'Hagrid,' said Dumbledore, sounding relieved. 'At last. And where did you get that motorbike?'**

"That's what I want to know, so I can get one." said Sirius hungrily.

**'Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sir,' said the giant, climbing carefully off the motorbike as he spoke. 'Young Sirius Black lent it me.**

"YES!"

"Calm down, Sirius, you're making the first years jump!"

**I've got him, sir.'**

**'No problems, were there?'**

**'No, sir- house was almost destroyed but I got him out all right before the Muggles started swarmin' around. He fell asleep as we was flyin' over Bristol."**

**Dumbledore and professor McGonagall bent forward over the bundle of blankets. Inside, just visible, was a baby boy, fast asleep. Under a tuft of jet-black hair**

Sirius groaned. "He's got the Potter hair. Unlucky kid."

"Hey! You're just jealous of my luscious locks."

**over his forehead they could see a curiously-shaped cut, like a bolt of lightning.**

"Cool," said Sirius.

**'Is that where-?' whispered Professor McGonagall.**

**'Yes,' said Dumbledore. 'He'll have that scar for ever.'**

**'Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?'**

"I doubt it," said Remus. "A scar from a powerful curse like that- probably impossible to remove."

**'Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in useful. I have one myself above my left knee which is a perfect map of the London Underground.**

"Handy," said James.

**Well- give him here, Hagrid- we'd better get this over with.'**

**Dumbledore took Harry into his arms and turned towards the Dursleys' house. **

**'Could I- could I say goodbye to him, sir?' asked Hagrid. **

**He bent his great, shaggy head over Harry and gave him what must have been a very scratchy, whiskery kiss.**

"Ouch," said Remus sympathetically.

**Then, suddenly, Hagrid let out a howl like a wounded dog.**

**'Shhh!' hissed Professor McGonagall, 'you'll wake the Muggles!'**

**'S-s-sorry,' sobbed Hagrid, taking out a large, spotted handkerchief and burying his face in it. 'But I c-c-can't stand it- Lily an' James dead- an' poor little Harry off ter live with Muggles-'**

"Poor little Harry is right," said Lily. "I know what it's like to live with my sister."

**'Yes, yes, it's all very sad, but get a grip on yourself, Hagrid, or we'll be found,' Professor McGonagall whispered, patting Hagrid gingerly on the arm as Dumbledore stepped over the low garden wall and walked to the front door. He laid Harry gently on the doorstep, took a letter out of his cloak, tucked it inside Harry's blankets and then came back to the other two. For a full minute the three of them stood and looked at the little bundle; Hagrid's shoulders shook, Professor McGonagall blinked furiously and the twinkling light that usually shone from Dumbledore's eyes seemed to have gone out.**

**'Well,' said Dumbledore finally, 'that's that. We've no business staying here. We may as well go and join the celebrations.'**

"He's leaving our kid on a doorstep to go off to a party?" James interjected.

"Plus," Lily continued, "that weatherman said it was nearly Bonfire Night. It must be freezing and all he's got is some blankets? You'd think that Dumbledore would know slightly better how to look after a baby- i.e. not leaving them on a strange doorstep in the early hours of the morning in late October when anyone could walk past and do something to him."

**'Yeah,' said Hagrid in a very muffled voice, 'I'll be taking Sirius his bike back.**

"Yeah, you'd better return it. I may need it for comfort after two of my best friends have died and their son has been sent off to live with a bunch of-"

"Padfoot! Mind your language! There's ladies present. Well, lady, anyway."

**G'night, Professor McGonagall, Professor Dumbledore, sir.'**

**Wiping his streaming eyes on his jacket sleeve, Hagrid swung himself onto the motorbike and kicked the engine into life; with a roar it rose into the air and off into the night.**

"Now that is a bike."

**'I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall,' said Dumbledore, nodding to her. Professor McGonagall blew her nose in reply.**

**Dumbledore turned and walked back down the street. On the corner he stopped and took out the silver Put-Outer. He clicked it once and twelve balls of light sped back to their street lamps so that Privet Drive glowed suddenly orange and he could make out a tabby cat slinking around the corner at the other end of the street. He could just see the bundle of blankets on the step of number four. **

**'Good luck, Harry,' he murmured.**

"He'll need it, living with the Dursleys." Lily said.

**He turned on his heel and with a swish of his cloak he was gone.**

**A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect astonishing things to happen.**

"Sounds like a fun place to grow up." said Sirius sarcastically.

**Harry Potter rolled over inside his blankets without waking up. One small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he was famous, not knowing he would be woken in a few hours' time by Mrs Dursley's scream as she opened the front door to put out the milk bottles,**

"I would love to see the expression on Tuney's face at that point."

**nor that he would spend the next few weeks being prodded and pinched by his cousin Dudley…**

"Little brat." they all said.

**he couldn't know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: 'To Harry Potter- the boy who lived!'**

"And that's the end of the chapter," Lily said, putting the book down.

"We have to read more," James said. "We have to know enough to stop this."

"Definitely." she agreed.

"It's weird, thinking of you two as parents," said Sirius thoughtfully. "Lily, I can imagine… but you, Prongs…"

"It's scary" Remus said. "James being responsible- it goes against the laws of nature."

"Hey! I'm responsible! I'll have you know, I'm Head Boy!"

"Speaking of which, James, we need to do our patrol."

"Do we have to?"

"Yes! But when we get back, we can read the next chapter." They got up, heading towards the portrait hole, before James turned, looking at Remus and Sirius suspiciously.

"Oi, you two. No reading ahead."

"Fine," Remus said, turning back to his Ancient Runes.

"Pads?"

"Fine," Sirius said begrudgingly.

**A/N: Well? Reviewers will be given hot chocolate and warm buttery crumpets, as that's what I was eating whilst writing this.**


	3. The Vanishing Glass

**A/N: Hi again! Sorry it took a few days. I'm trying to update as often as possible, because I hate waiting for updates, although these chapters take so long to write! Here's the next chapter!**

**My FF account is being stupid, and not letting me see any extra reviews, followers, or people who have favourited, so I can only get to them through my email, but thank you! The positive response to this fic has been amazing!**

**Evilbrat is epic: Thanks very much! I hoped you liked the last chapter and will enjoy this one, too! I'll try and post as often as I can! Sorry it took so long to thank you for your review(s), I didn't see it until I had already posted the last chapter, due to the problems I mentioned.**

**shortacus: Gracias, mi amiga! I'll definitely try to do all the books, although you know me, I can get a bit lazy sometimes :P**

**By the way, if anyone has any idea how I can fix my account, that would be very helpful, thanks.**

**Disclaimer: Any character or place you recognise is not mine. All of the writing in bold is the work of the wonderful JK Rowling.**

**Chapter 2: The Vanishing Glass**

James and Lily clambered through the portrait hole wearily and collapsed into the armchairs. The common room was completely clear now except for Remus, immersed in a Charms textbook, and Sirius, who looked up impatiently as he heard them arrive.

"Where have you been?" he barked. "We've been waiting for _hours-_"

"-forty five minutes-"

"-shush, Moony, I'm making a point. We've been waiting here for _forty five minutes _for you two to get back so we can carryon with the story! You've actually driven me to the point of work!"

Lily raised her eyebrows. "From what I can see, you've written five words on that parchment, and two of them were your name."

"That's not the point! I- sorry, _we_- have been waiting patiently, while you two lovebirds went off on your moonlit stroll! I won't stand for it! I won't!"

"We were on patrol!" Lily said indignantly.

"Yeah, it's not like we were having much fun either, mate," said James. "We had to send three first year Ravenclaws to bed, and they mouthed us off, the cheeky little buggers. Then there were a couple of Hufflepuffs snogging in a broom cupboard, who weren't too happy at being interrupted. Then, after all that, Peeves came along and started chucking Stinksap at us. I haven't a clue where he got it from. Lily got it all off, being the amazing witch that she is," Lily blushed, "but it still took time, and by the time we could actually see, he had zoomed off again and was smashing all the crystal balls in the Divination Tower. Merlin, I hate him."

James stared grumpily into the dying fire. Sirius looked at him, and shook his head. "I still can't believe Dumbledore made _you _Head Boy." Then, in a cheerier voice, "Shall we get on with the next chapter? I want to find out more about Prongslet."

"You are not calling my child _Prongslet."_

"Sorry, Lily."

Remus frowned. "Don't you think we should wait for Wormy? This seems too important to do without him."

"Don't worry about it, Moony," said Sirius airily. "We can tell him when he gets back. It'll be a nice surprise for him."

"Where is the book, anyway?" Lily asked.

"Oh, I had to hide it," said Remus, brandishing his wand, as a book flew towards him, seemingly from mid-air. "Padfoot was trying to read ahead."

"Padfoot! I thought you said you were waiting _patiently_?"

"Well, no one can be patient for _that _long!" Remus cleared his throat. "Well, apart from you, Moony. But you have the patience of a saint. You can even put up with Wormy asking you for help with his Potions every day. I can't believe Sluggy actually let him carry on with the subject, he was one above getting a P!"

"He's not that bad," Remus said. "He just lacks confidence. Anyway, weren't we going to read the next chapter?"

"Yeah, we were," Lily replied. "I can't be bothered to read anymore. Who else wants a go?"

"You can, Moony," said Sirius. "I hate reading, you know that."

Remus flicked through the book to the right page and started to read.

**Chapter Two- The Vanishing Glass**

**Nearly ten years had passed since the Dursleys had woken up to find their nephew on the front step, but Privet Drive had hardly changed at all. The sun rose on the same tidy front gardens and lit up the brass number four on the Dursleys' front door; it crept into their living-room, which was almost the exactly the same as it had been on the night when Mr Dursley had seen that fateful news report about owls.**

"Boring. They could at least redecorate or something."

**Only the photos on the mantelpiece really showed how much time had passed. Ten years ago, there had been lots of pictures of what looked like a large pink beach ball wearing different coloured bobble hats- but Dudley Dursley was no longer a baby, **

They laughed.

**and now the photographs showed a large, blond boy riding his first bicycle,**

"I'm surprised he didn't break it."

**on a roundabout at the fair, playing a computer game with his father, being hugged and kissed by his mother.**

"I didn't know Tuney was capable of affection."

**The room held no sign at all that another boy lived in the house too.**

"Maybe he doesn't live there anymore!" said Sirius excitedly. "Maybe I've come on my awesome flying motorbike and whisked him away!"

"If you have, I want Remus to have joint custody," said Lily. "At least he's slightly responsible."

**Yet Harry Potter was still there,**

They groaned.

**asleep at the moment, but not for long. His Aunt Petunia was awake and it was her shrill voice which made the first noise of the day.**

"I feel for him. Trust me, it's a horrible thing to hear when you've just woken up."

**'Up! Get up! Now!'**

"She sounds so polite."

**Harry woke with a start. His aunt rapped on the door again.**

**'Up!' she screeched. Harry heard her walking towards the kitchen and then the sound of the frying pan being put on the cooker.**

"Ahh," Sirius moaned, sliding down in his chair dreamily. "Do you think we can sneak down to the kitchens and get the house elves to give us some food?"

**He rolled on to his back and tried to remember the dream he had been having. It had been a good one. There had been a flying motorbike in it.**

"He remembers! He can remember my motorbike! He obviously must prefer me to you guys."

"Of course he does, Padfoot," James said, shaking his head at the others when Sirius wasn't looking.

"It must be because I can sympathise with the poor kid," Sirius continued, oblivious to the others complete disbelief. "I can tell I'm going to be having dreams about flying motorbikes after this as well."

**He had a funny feeling he'd had the same dream before. **

**His aunt was back outside the door.**

**'Are you up yet?' she demanded.**

"She needs to learn some patience." said Sirius.

"Hypocrite." Lily muttered.

**'Nearly,' said Harry.**

**'Well, get a move on, I want you to look after the bacon.**

"Sirius! Stop drooling on me!"

"Sorry, Lily."

**And don't you dare let it burn, I want everything perfect on Duddy's birthday.'**

James sighed. "Something tells me that's not going to be a barrel of laughs."

**Harry groaned.**

**'What did you say?' his aunt snapped through the door.**

**'Nothing, nothing…'**

**Dudley's birthday- how could he have forgotten? **

"Because he's a waste of space who doesn't deserve your presence in his midst." said Sirius.

**Harry got slowly out of bed and started looking for socks. He found a pair under his bed and, after pulling a spider off one of them,**

Sirius shuddered. Lily looked at him, puzzled.

"What?" he asked. "I don't like spiders. Not many people do. You don't have to look so shocked."

"Ok, ok…" said Lily reassuringly, before continuing under her breath "wuss."

"You should have seen him when he found a spider in his bed the other day," James laughed. "He ran to Moony, shaking like a leaf, and begged him to get rid of it. I'm pretty sure he didn't get any sleep that night; he was too scared."

"I didn't _beg_," Sirius protested. "I just asked Moony, calmly and politely, if he could please get the bloody _huge _great hairy spider off of my bed."

"Whatever you say, Padfoot."

**put them on. Harry was used to spiders, because the cupboard under the stairs was full of them, and that was where he slept.**

"WHAT?!" Lily shrieked.

"I can't believe your sister would force our son to sleep in a cupboard!" James yelled.

"Neither can I! Oh, I am going to _kill _Petunia when I next see her!"

**When he was dressed he went down the hall into the kitchen. The table was almost hidden beneath all Dudley's birthday presents. It looked as though Dudley had got the new computer he wanted, not to mention the second television and the racing bike.**

"Wait- _second_ television?" Lily interrupted. "Merlin, he's spoilt."

**Exactly why Dudley wanted a racing bike was a mystery to Harry,**

"It's a mystery to me too," said James.

**as Dudley was very fat and hated exercise- unless of course it involved punching somebody.**

"Of course." Sirius said.

**Dudley's favourite punch-bag was Harry,**

"I didn't think it was possible to hate this kid any more than I already did," said Lily distastefully.

**but he couldn't often catch him.**

"Well that's something, I guess," said Remus.

**Harry didn't look it, but he was very fast.**

**Perhaps it had something to do with living in a dark cupboard, but Harry had always been small and skinny for his age.**

"No, that's just called being related to Prongs," Sirius said, sticking his tongue out at James. James flicked his wand and Sirius made an odd, gulping sound as his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth.

"That's better," said Remus. "Perhaps now I can continue reading in peace."

Sirius rooted around in his robes, pulled out his wand, and contorted his face. They watched, confused.

Finally, Lily asked, "What's he doing? His face looks even more abnormal than usual."

"He looks like he's trying to do a _really _big sh-"

"James! Language!"

"I think," Remus said, frowning, "that he's trying to do the counter spell non-verbally."

Sirius nodded excitedly, before going back to looking like he was trying to lay a dinosaur egg. Remus shook his head resignedly and turned back to the book.

**He looked even smaller and skinnier than he really was because all he had to wear were old clothes of Dudley's**

Lily sighed, obviously annoyed at her sister.

**and Dudley was about four times bigger than he was. Harry had a thin face, knobbly knees, black hair and bright-green eyes.**

"He's got your eyes, Lils!" James said excitedly.

"Do not, I repeat _not_, call me _Lils_," she replied, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

**He wore round glasses held together with a lot of Sellotape because of all the times Dudley had punched him on the nose.**

Sirius growled.

**The only thing Harry liked about his own appearance was a very thin scar on his forehead**

"Wait," James interrupted. "The _only _thing? But he looks just like me!"

"Exactly," said Remus absent-mindedly. Sirius laughed and high-fived him.

"Nice one, Moony!"

**which was shaped like a bolt of lightning.**

"I have to admit," Sirius said, "that scar does sound pretty cool."

**He had had it for as long as he could remember and the first question he could ever remember asking his Aunt Petunia was how he had got it.**

**'In the car crash when your parents died,'**

"WHAT!" Lily and James yelled.

"How could she-"

"-he's her _nephew-_"

"-he deserves to know-"

"-I knew she was _bad_, but-"

"-Dumbledore said-"

"Shut up!" This came from Sirius, who had been looking at Remus exasperatedly. Lily and James stopped spluttering at once.

"Remember," Remus said in a placating voice, "none of this is going to happen. We're all going to make sure of that. You two will never die, and Harry can grow up with _you_, not the bloody Dursleys, yeah?"

"Yeah," Lily said softly. James murmured his agreement.

**she had said. 'And don't ask questions.'**

"Well, that's just a ridiculous thing to tell someone." Remus said.

**_Don't ask questions_****- that was the first rule for a quiet life with the Dursleys. **

**Uncle Vernon entered the kitchen as Harry was turning over the bacon.**

"Well, that's decided it," Sirius said. "After this chapter, I'm going down to get some food from the kitchens."

**'Comb your hair!' he barked, by way of a morning greeting.**

"Not going to work," Sirius said.

**About once a week, Uncle Vernon looked over the top of his newspaper and shouted that Harry needed a haircut. Harry must have had more haircuts than the rest of the boys in his class put together, but it made no difference, his hair simply grew that way- all over the place.**

Remus and Sirius chuckled. James rumpled up his hair proudly, before seeing that Lily was looking at him disapprovingly, and hurriedly flattening it down again.

**Harry was frying eggs**

They all looked at Sirius expectantly.

"What?" he asked.

"Aren't you going to say something about how hungry you are?" said James.

"Nah, I don't really like fried eggs."

**by the time Dudley arrived in the kitchen with his mother. Dudley looked a lot like Uncle Vernon. He had a large pink face, not much neck, small, watery blue eyes and thick blond hair that lay smoothly on his thick, fat head. Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel-**

"Yeah, right," said Sirius.

**Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig.**

The marauders snorted.

**Harry put the plates of egg and bacon on the table, which was difficult as there wasn't much room. Dudley, meanwhile, was counting his presents.**

"He can count?"

**His face fell. **

**'Thirty-six,' he said, looking up at his mother and father. 'That's two less than last year.'**

"Spoilt little brat," said James.

"You can't talk," said Sirius. "You're the most spoilt person in this room."

"Well, yeah, but even I'm not that bad."

**'Darling, you haven't counted Auntie Marge's present, see, it's here under this big one from Mummy and Daddy.'**

**'All right, thirty-seven then,' said Dudley, going red in the face-Harry, who could see a huge Dudley tantrum coming on, began wolfing down his bacon as fast as possible in case Dudley turned the table over.**

Sirius nodded. "Good idea."

**Aunt Petunia obviously scented danger too, because she said quickly: 'And we'll buy you another ****_two _****presents while we're out today. How's that, popkin?**

"Popkin?" Lily asked, looking as though she had eaten something foul.

**_Two _****more presents. Is that all right?'**

"Because that's _obviously _the right way to discipline a child," said Remus sarcastically.

**Dudley thought for a moment. It looked like hard work.**

They laughed.

**Finally he said slowly: 'So I'll have thirty… thirty…'**

"Merlin," James said, exasperated.

**'Thirty-nine, sweetums,' said Aunt Petunia.**

"Sweetums is almost as bad as popkin," said Lily.

**'Oh.' Dudley sat down heavily and grabbed the nearest parcel. 'All right then.'**

**Uncle Vernon chuckled.**

**'Little tyke**

"Little?" Sirius asked, disbelievingly.

**wants his money's worth, just like his father. 'Atta boy, Dudley!'**

"And he's getting praised for this?" asked Lily.

**He ruffled Dudley's hair.**

**At that moment the telephone rang and Aunt Petunia went to answer it while Harry and Uncle Vernon watched Dudley unwrap the racing-bike, a cine-camera, a remote control aeroplane, sixteen new computer games and a video recorder.**

"I don't even know what half of those things are, and I can tell they're expensive." said Sirius.

**He was ripping the paper off a gold wristwatch when Aunt Petunia came back from the telephone looking both angry and worried.**

**'Bad news, Vernon,' she said. 'Mrs Figg's broken her leg. She can't take him.' She jerked her head in Harry's direction.**

"He has a name, you know," said Lily angrily. "He's not just called _him_."

**Dudley's mouth fell open in horror but Harry's heart gave a leap. Every year on Dudley's birthday his parents took him and a friend out for the day, to adventure parks, hamburger bars or the cinema. Every year, Harry was left behind with Mrs Figg, a mad old lady who lived two streets away. Harry hated it there. The whole house smelled of cabbage and Mrs Figg made him look at photographs of all the cats she'd ever owned.**

"Fun fun fun." Sirius droned.

**'Now what?' said Aunt Petunia, looking furiously at Harry as though he had planned this. Harry knew he ought to feel sorry that Mrs Figg had broken her leg, but it wasn't easy when he reminded himself it would be a whole year before he had to look at Tibbles, Snowy, Mr Paws and Tufty again.**

"Harry," Lily admonished, whilst looking pleased that he had gotten out of it.

**'We could phone Marge,' Uncle Vernon suggested.**

**'Don't be silly, Vernon, she hates the boy.'**

**The Dursleys often spoke about Harry like this, as though he wasn't there- or rather, as though he was something very nasty that couldn't understand them, like a slug.**

Lily and James glared at the book, as though the Dursleys could feel the power of their hatred through the pages.

**'What about what's-her-name, your friend- Yvonne?'**

**'On holiday in Majorca,' snapped Aunt Petunia.**

**'You could just leave me here,' Harry put in hopefully (he'd be able to watch what he wanted on television for a change and maybe even have a go on Dudley's computer). **

"That wouldn't be too bad," said Remus fairly.

**Aunt Petunia looked as though she had just swallowed a lemon.**

Lily grinned. "No change there."

**'And come back and find the house in ruins?' she snarled.**

**'I won't blow up the house,' Harry said, but they weren't listening.**

**'I suppose we could take him to the zoo,' said Aunt Petunia slowly, '…and leave him in the car…'**

**'That car's new, he's not sitting in it alone…'**

"Because the car is obviously more important that Harry is," James said, rolling his eyes.

**Dudley began to cry loudly. In fact, he wasn't really crying, it had been years since he'd really cried, but he knew that if he screwed up his face and wailed, his mother would give him anything he wanted.**

**'Dinky Diddydums,**

They all burst out laughing. "That…" Sirius choked out, clutching his sides, "…is…the best…nickname…so far!"

Eventually Remus recovered himself to carry on reading, albeit with a few stray grins breaking free from his mask of composure.

**don't cry, Mummy won't let him spoil your special day!' she cried, flinging her arms around him.**

**'I…don't…want…him…t-t-to come!' Dudley yelled between huge pretend sobs. 'He always sp-spoils everything!' He shot Harry a nasty grin through the gap in his mother's arms.**

Lily scowled.

**Just then, the doorbell- 'Oh, Good Lord, they're here!' said Aunt Petunia frantically- and a moment later, Dudley's best friend, Piers Polkiss, walked in with his mother. Piers was a scrawny boy with a face like a rat. He was usually the one who held people's arms behind their backs while Dudley hit them.**

"He sounds like a lovely little boy," said Sirius pleasantly.

**Dudley stopped pretending to cry at once.**

**Half an hour later, Harry, who couldn't believe his luck, was sitting in the back of the Dursleys' car with Piers and Dudley, on the way to the zoo for the first time in his life.**

"I'm not sure how fun that'll actually be," Remus said worriedly. "Something's bound to go wrong considering he's there with Piers and Dudley."

"Stop being such a killjoy, Moony," Sirius said. "The zoo's always fun, everyone knows that."

**His aunt and uncle hadn't been able to think of anything else to do with him, but before they'd left, Uncle Vernon had taken Harry aside. **

**'I'm warning you,' he had said, putting his large purple face right up close to Harry's, 'I'm warning you now, boy- any funny business, anything at all- and you'll be in that cupboard from now until Christmas.'**

"He better not be," said Lily warningly.

**'I'm not going to do anything,' said Harry, 'honestly…'**

**But Uncle Vernon didn't believe him. No one ever did.**

**The problem was, strange things often happened around Harry and it was just no good telling the Dursleys he didn't make them happen.**

"Well, he did," said Remus, "but not intentionally, You can't control accidental magic. I thought Dumbledore had told them that in his letter?"

"Yeah" Lily agreed, "and Tuney should know it anyway, from when we were growing up."

"I guess she doesn't want to accept it." said James.

**Once, Aunt Petunia, tired of Harry coming back from the barbers looking as though he hadn't been at all, had taken a pair of kitchen scissors and cut his hair so short he was almost bald except for his fringe, which she left 'to hide that horrible scar'. Dudley had laughed himself silly at Harry, who spent a sleepless night imagining school the next day, where he was already laughed at for his baggy clothes and sellotaped glasses. Next morning, however, he had got up to find his hair exactly as it had been before Aunt Petunia had sheared it off.**

"Ah, but that might not be magic," said Sirius earnestly. "I've heard that Potter hair is naturally very resilient, so it can survive any attack that is launched on it, as such attacks often are."

**He had been given a week in his cupboard for this,**

"What?!" Lily cried. "He couldn't help it!"

**even though he had tried to explain that he ****_couldn't _****explain how it had grown back so quickly.**

**Another time, Aunt Petunia had been trying to force him into a revolting old jumper of Dudley's (brown with orange bobbles). The harder she tried to pull it over his head, the smaller it seemed to become, until finally it might have fitted a glove puppet, but certainly wouldn't fit harry. Aunt Petunia had decided it must have shrunk in the wash and, to his great relief, Harry wasn't punished.**

Sirius sighed in relief on Harry's behalf.

**On the other hand, he'd got into terrible trouble for being found on the roof of the school kitchens. Dudley's gang had been chasing him as usual when, as much to Harry's surprise as anyone else's, there he was sitting on the chimney. **

"Surely he didn't apparate?" Sirius asked, puzzled.

"I doubt it," Remus replied. "Maybe he flew? People can do fairly incredible things when they're scared or desperate."

**The Dursleys had received a very angry letter from Harry's headmistress telling them Harry had been climbing school buildings. But all he'd tried to do (as he shouted at Uncle Vernon through the locked door of his cupboard) was jump behind the big bins outside the kitchen doors. Harry supposed that the wind must have caught him in mid-jump.**

**But today, nothing was going to go wrong. It was even worth being with Dudley and Piers to be spending the day somewhere that wasn't school, his cupboard or Mrs Figg's cabbage-smelling living-room.**

Sirius wrinkled up his nose in disgust. "Eurgh," he said, "cabbage."

**While he drove, Uncle Vernon complained to Aunt Petunia. He liked to complain about thing: people at work, Harry, the council, Harry, the bank and Harry were just a few of his favourite subjects. **

"Wow," James said drily. "Sounds like he loves Harry."

"Personally, I think he sounds like McGonagall and how she feels about you two." said Remus.

"Hey!" Sirius cried. "Minnie loves us and you know it!"

**This morning, it was motorbikes.**

"What's wrong with motorbikes?" Sirius asked indignantly.

**'…roaring along like maniacs, the young hoodlums,' he said, as a motorbike overtook them.**

Sirius grinned maniacally.

**'I had a dream about a motorbike,' said Harry, remembering suddenly. 'It was flying.'**

James gave a low whistle. "Bad idea. The Dursleys don't exactly sound like the type to be happy about that sort of thing."

**Uncle Vernon nearly crashed into the car in front.**

"Told you," James said in a sing-song voice.

**he turned right around in his seat and yelled at Harry, his face like a gigantic beetroot with a moustache: 'MOTORBIKES DON'T FLY!'**

"Bit over the top," said Sirius. "It was just a dream."

**Dudley and Piers sniggered.**

**'I know they don't,' said Harry. 'It was only a dream.'**

**But he wished he hadn't said anything. If there was one thing the Dursleys hated even more than his asking questions, it was his talking about anything in a way it shouldn't, no matter if it was in a dream or even a cartoon- they seemed to think he might get dangerous ideas.**

"Of course he'll get dangerous ideas," Lily sighed, "whether you let him watch cartoons or not. Look at what he's got for a father."

She gestured to James, who looked up, puzzled, as he hadn't been listening to a word she'd been saying. He was too busy plotting with Sirius how to get a hold of these 'cartoons'- they sounded as if they could come in handy whenever they ran low on prank ideas.

**It was a very sunny Saturday and the zoo was crowded with families. The Dursleys bought Dudley and Piers large chocolate ice-creams at the entrance and then, because the smiling lady in the van had asked Harry what he wanted before they could hurry him away, they bought him a cheap lemon ice lolly. **

"Well, that's unfair," said Sirius.

**It wasn't bad either, Harry thought,**

"Oh, not all bad then." Sirius said.

**licking it as they watched a gorilla scratching its head and looking remarkably like Dudley, except that it wasn't blond.**

They snorted.

**Harry had the best morning he'd had in a long time. He was careful to walk a little way apart from the Dursleys**

"Always a good plan," James nodded.

**so that Dudley and Piers, who were starting to get bored with the animals by lunch-time, wouldn't fall back on their favourite hobby of hitting him. They ate in the zoo restaurant and when Dudley had a tantrum because his knickerbocker glory wasn't big enough, Uncle Vernon bought him another one and Harry was allowed to finish the first. **

**Harry felt afterwards, that he should have known it was all too good to last.**

James groaned. "What now?"

**After lunch they went to the reptile house. It was cool and dark in there, with lit windows all along the walls. Behind the glass, all sorts of lizards and snakes were crawling and slithering over bits of wood and stone.**

**Dudley and Piers wanted to see huge, poisonous cobras and thick, man-crushing pythons. Dudley quickly found the largest snake in the place. It could have wrapped its body twice around Uncle Vernon's car and crushed it into a dustbin- but at the moment it didn't look in the mood. In fact, it was fast asleep. Dudley stood with his nose pressed against the glass, staring at the glistening brown coils.**

**'Make it move,' he whined at his father. **

"What if it doesn't want to move?" Lily asked, annoyed. "Not very considerate, is he? Little brat."

**Uncle Vernon tapped on the glass, but the snake didn't budge.**

"Good," said Lily tartly.

**'Do it again,' Dudley ordered. Uncle Vernon rapped the glass smartly with his knuckles, but the snake just snoozed on.**

**'This is boring," Dudley moaned. He shuffled away. Harry moved in front of the tank and looked intently at the snake. He wouldn't have been surprised if it had died of boredom itself- no company except stupid people drumming their fingers on the glass trying to disturb it all day long. It was worse than having a cupboard as a bedroom, where the only visitor was Aunt Petunia hammering on the door to wake you up; at least he got to visit the rest of the house. **

"Please tell me my son is not sympathising with a snake," James moaned. "I don't think I could stand it if he became a Slytherin."

**The snake suddenly opened its beady eyes. Slowly, very slowly, it raised its head until its eyes were on a level with Harry's. **

**It winked.**

James frowned. "Huh?"

"I didn't know snakes could wink," Remus said slowly.

**Harry stared. Then he looked quickly round to see if anyone was watching. They weren't. He looked back at the snake and winked, too. **

**The snake jerked its head towards Uncle Vernon and Dudley, then raised its eyes to the ceiling. It gave Harry a look that said quite plainly:**

**'I get that all the time.'**

"Oh," said Lily in sudden understanding. Remus looked at her, confused, then realisation dawned on his face. James and Sirius looked between the two of them, then looked at each other and shrugged.

**'I know,' Harry murmured through the glass, though he wasn't sure the snake could hear him. 'It must be really annoying.'**

**The snake nodded vigorously.**

"Wait," James said in horror. "My son, _my son_, is a _Parselmouth_?"

"What?!" Sirius yelled.

"It would appear so," Lily said.

"Are we completely sure that I'm the father?" James asked incredulously. "Not- I dunno, _Snivellus _or something?"

"It said you in the book," Lily reminded him. "And Sev's not _that _bad. Well, okay-" she backtracked as James raised his eyebrows, "he's not always the nicest, but he could be worse! He's not, like, Voldemort's _brother _or something. And you've been as bad as he has at points. Worse, even."

"I know I've been bad," James admitted, "and I'm ashamed of it. But that's just the thing. He's not. Anyway, I'm not saying he _is _Voldemort's brother, but if one of us was a Parselmouth, don't you think it would be him? He has the sort of snakey look to him."

Lily sighed, but said nothing more on the subject. Remus took this as a cue to continue reading.

**'Where do you come from, anyway?' Harry asked. The snake jabbed its tail at a little sign next to the glass. Harry peered at it.**

**Boa Constrictor, Brazil.**

**'Was it nice there?'**

**The boa constrictor jabbed its tail at the sign again and Harry read on: This specimen was bred in the zoo.**

**'Oh, I see- you've never been to Brazil?'**

**As the snake shook its head, a deafening shout from behind Harry made both of them jump.**

**'DUDLEY! MR DURSLEY! COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT IT'S DOING!'**

"Uh oh," said Sirius. "That can't be good."

**Dudley came waddling towards them as fast as he could.**

**'Out of the way, you,' he said, punching Harry in the ribs. **

James frowned, but didn't say anything.

**Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor. What came next happened so fast no one saw how it happened- one second, Piers and Dudley were leaning right up close to the glass, the next, they had leapt back with howls of horror. Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor's tank had vanished.**

James and Sirius were howling with laughter.

"Classic," Sirius gasped. "Absolute…classic. We…have…to try…that one!"

"I…bet," James said, in a similar state to Sirius. "Dudley…and Piers'… faces… were…hilarious!"

Remus shook his head. "I dunno, if the Dursleys find out Harry was talking to that snake, this could have some serious consequences for him."

"But Moony," Sirius said, getting his breath back, "how would they find out?"

"Didn't Piers see Harry talking to it?" Lily asked.

"Oh well," James said. "It was still funny. You two need to stop being such spoilsports and join in the fun!"

"Whatever you say, Prongs," Remus said, yawning. "Let's just finish this chapter and get up to bed. I'm knackered."

"Don't forget I need my food first!" said Sirius.

**The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering out onto the floor. People throughout the reptile house screamed and started running for the exits.**

James and Sirius smirked and looked at each other. "We'll do it at breakfast one day, when everyone's back from the holidays," James mouthed to Sirius.

**As the snake slid swiftly past him, Harry could have sworn a low, hissing voice said, 'Brazil, here I come… thanksss, amigo.'**

"I have to say," Sirius said, "that snake does sound pretty cool.'

**The keeper of the reptile house was in shock.**

"Poor guy," said Lily.

**'But the glass,' he kept saying, 'where did the glass go?' The zoo director himself made Aunt Petunia a cup of strong, sweet tea while he apologised over and over again. Piers and Dudley could only gibber.**

James and Sirius sniggered, while Lily and Remus had to fight to stop a smile breaking out on their faces.

**As far as Harry had seen, the snake hadn't done anything except snap playfully at their heels as it passed, but by the time they were all back in Uncle Vernon's car, Dudley was telling them how it had nearly bitten off his leg, while Piers was swearing it had tried to squeeze him to death. But worst of all, for Harry at least, was Piers calming down enough to say 'Harry was talking to it, weren't you, Harry?'**

"Uh oh," said Sirius.

"The little sneak," James agreed. Remus looked strained.

"You're trying not to say 'I told you so', aren't you?" James asked.

"Yeah," said Remus gleefully, a smug smile spreading on his face.

**Uncle Vernon waited until Piers was safely out of the house before starting on Harry. He was so angry he could hardly speak. He managed to say 'Go-cupboard-stay-no meals,' before he collapsed into a chair, and Aunt Petunia had to run to get him a large brandy.**

**Harry lay in his dark cupboard much later, wishing he had a watch. He didn't know what time it was and he couldn't be sure the Dursleys were asleep yet. Until they were, he couldn't risk sneaking to the kitchen for some food.**

"Sneaking around at night for food," Sirius said dreamily. "We could make him an honorary Marauder."

**He'd lived with the Dursleys for ten years, ten miserable years,**

James and Lily looked at each other sadly.

**as long as he could remember, ever since he'd been a baby and his parents had died in that car crash. He couldn't remember being in the car when his parents had died. Sometimes, when he strained his memory during long hours in the cupboard, he came up with a strange vision: a blinding flash of greed light and a burning pain on his forehead. **

"That's impressive, considering he was so young," said Remus.

**This, he supposed, was the crash, though he couldn't imagine where all the green light came from. He couldn't remember his parents at all. His aunt and uncle never spoke about them, and of course he was forbidden to ask questions. There were no photographs of them in the house.**

**When he had been younger, Harry had dreamed and dreamed of some unknown relation coming to take him away, but it had never happened;**

Sirius and Remus looked at each other guiltily.

**the Dursleys were his only family.**

"But we can change that." said James, looking at Lily.

"Definitely." she replied.

**Yet sometimes he thought (or maybe hoped) that strangers in the street seemed to know him. Very strange strangers they were, too. A tiny man in a violet top hat had bowed to him once while out shopping with Aunt Petunia and Dudley. After asking Harry furiously if he knew this man, Aunt Petunia had rushed them out of the shop without buying anything. A wild-looking old women dressed all in green had waved merrily at him once on a bus. A bald man in a very long purple coat had actually shaken his hand in the street the other day then walked away without a word. The weirdest thing about all these people was the way they seemed to vanish the second Harry tried to get a closer look.**

"That must have been really weird for him," said Remus.

**At school, Harry had no one. Everyone knew that Dudley's gang hated that odd harry Potter in his baggy old clothes and broken glasses, and no one liked to disagree with Dudley's gang.**

"And that's it," Remus said, putting the book down and leaning back in his chair wearily. "Can we go to bed now? It's half one in the morning; I'm exhausted."

"That sounds like a good idea." Lily said. "We can carry on reading tomorrow. I'll keep the book, if you want. I don't really trust Sirius."

"Probably sensible," said James. He got up and Remus and Lily followed suit. "Are you coming, Sirius?"

"I will in a minute. I just need to go get some food. I've got a mysterious craving for bacon."

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Review, please! Reviewers will get a chocolate cake with thick, smooth, chocolate icing… *Licks lips* I wish I had a team of house elves in my kitchen to make things like that for me… **


	4. The Letters from No One

**A/N: I'm so sorry! It's been a hectic week: a party, going to visit my brother at uni, revision (haha, yeah right!) and then my computer got a virus! But I've finally got this chapter to you, so here you go!**

**Ororo15: Thank you! Sorry it took so long to update!**

**Evilbrat is epic: Your wish is my command! Thanks very much :)**

**SassyBethSasa: Thanks very much :)**

**ashtree22: I can't wait either! I really want to get to that bit! I think Sirius would think Norbert was awesome! Remus, maybe not so much…**

**Anonymous guest reviews: **

**1) I'm glad you liked the cookies, I baked them myself in my virtual oven :) and thank you very much :)**

**2) Trust me, they'll have better reactions later. They're still getting used to the idea of having a son together at the moment, and Harry hasn't done that much yet. But I'm sure James will be ****_very _****excited when it gets to the Quidditch chapter :)**

**3) I feel like it needs the whole chapter in there. Sure, it makes it a bit long, but it helps characters get the feel for the books and it lets us see their reactions to everything, rather than just certain parts of the story, which let's face it, is what this fic's all about.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognise. It all belongs to the wonderful JK Rowling, who I owe everything, as she is the one who's made me the nerdy Potterhead I am today.**

**Chapter 3: The Letters from No One**

Lily yawned and rolled over. It was very warm in her bed. Warm and comfortable and dark… She felt herself slipping back into sleep, and gladly fell into its embrace. Just as she felt the world of dreams enclosing on her again, she was rudely awoken by the unmistakeable voice of Sirius Black.

"OI! EVANS! GET UP! WE WANT TO READ ANOTHER CHAPTER!"

She groaned and sat up, annoyed. She had been in the middle of a really good dream, and she had been hoping to get back into it. It had been about after Hogwarts, with no Voldemort, and she had her own house with James-

Her eyes widened in shock. _James_? Where had that come from? She knew she had been getting closer to all of the marauders, but this was a step too far. Maybe it was just because they had been reading about her and James having a child together, but she had her doubts…

She shook her head. It was too early to be thinking about this. She pushed it to the back of her mind, and got up, shielding her eyes at the glare of the morning sun as she drew the curtains. It was empty in her dormitory apart from her, everyone else having gone home to spend Christmas with their families. Remus had twisted her arm to stay at Hogwarts, telling her that he couldn't bear another Christmas with no one sane to talk to. How could she refuse him? In some ways, it was a relief, not having to face Tuney's jibes and sneers. Not to mention the _boyfriend…_

* * *

When she arrived at breakfast, showered and dressed, if a little tired, she searched for the marauders. She spotted them almost immediately, talking in low whispers at the Gryffindor table. Remus looked up as she approached, and beckoned her over.

"What do you want?" she asked when she arrived, sitting down and grabbing a piece of toast.

They looked at each other, before Remus answered. "We were wondering, should we be reading it in the common room? Anyone could hear, and _the book-_" this he said in a whisper, "-looks like it contains some pretty important information. We don't want people hearing and blurting it out."

Lily thought about it for a moment. Finally, "Yeah, you're right," she agreed. "But where are we going to read it?"

"Well," said James, looking nervously around at the others, "we thought, maybe, if it's okay with you, I mean, our, well, our dormitory?"

"What!" Lily exclaimed. "Your dormitory? You don't think that might look just a _little _bit suspicious? The Head Girl going up to the seventh year boys dormitory? With the seventh year boys? One of whom who is well known to have had a crush on me since first year?"

"There's not that many people around though, Lily," Remus pleaded. "No one would have to know."

"What about after the holidays?" she said. "People talk. _Everyone _will know within seconds; you know how fast rumours fly here! People will think we're- I don't know- _shagging_, or something!"

"Please, Lily?" James looked at her with puppy dog eyes. She held out for a few seconds, before sighing.

"Fine," she said, and they traipsed up to the dormitory, taking a large stack of food with them.

* * *

Sirius sat cross-legged on his bed, the book in his hands. He looked around. James was on the other end of his bed. Remus and Lily sat opposite them, on James' bed. They all looked at him expectantly. He cleared his throat.

**Chapter 3- The Letters from No One**

"Awesome!" James cried. "Do you think he'll get his Hogwarts letter?"

"Maybe if you shut up and let Sirius read," Lily said, "we can find out."

**The escape of the Brazilian boa constrictor earned Harry his longest-ever punishment.**

Lily glared at the book.

**By the time he was allowed out of his cupboard again, the summer holidays had started and Dudley had already broken his new cine-camera, crashed his remote control aeroplane and, first time on his racing bike, knocked down old Mrs Figg as she crossed Privet Drive on her crutches.**

"What a nasty little boy," said Remus.

**Harry was glad school was over,**

"Aren't we all?" said Sirius.

**but there was no escaping Dudley's gang, who visited the house every single day. Piers, Dennis, Malcolm and Gordon were all big and stupid, but as Dudley was the biggest and stupidest of the lot, he was the leader. The rest of them were all quite happy to join in Dudley's favourite sport: Harry Hunting.**

James looked at Lily. She was fuming, her face almost as red as her hair. It was at times like this he got scared of her, and wished he had chosen a slightly calmer girl to fall in love with. Oh well, he thought, too late now.

**This was why Harry spent as much time as possible out of the house, wandering around and thinking about the end of the holidays, where he could see a tiny ray of hope. When September came he would be going off to secondary school and, for the first time in his life, he wouldn't be with Dudley.**

They cheered.

**Dudley had a place at Uncle Vernon's old school, Smeltings.**

"That sounds like a… nice… school," said James.

"Trust me, it's horrible; I've heard the stories when he came over for dinner last summer," said Lily.

**Piers Polkiss was going there too. Harry, on the other hand, was going to Stonewall High, the local comprehensive.**

"Not if I have anything to do with it," James growled.

**Dudley thought this was very funny.**

**'They stuff people's heads down the toilet first day at Stonewall,' he told Harry, 'want to come upstairs and practise?'**

**'No thanks,' said Harry. 'The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it- it might be sick.'**

Sirius chuckled.

**Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said.**

**One day in July, Aunt Petunia took Dudley to London to buy his Smeltings uniform, leaving Harry at Mrs Figg's.**

"What fun," Lily said drily.

**Mrs Figg wasn't as bad as usual. It turned out that she'd broken her leg tripping over one of her cats and she didn't seem quite as fond of them as before. She let Harry watch television and gave him a bit of chocolate cake that tasted as though she'd had it for several years.**

James wrinkled up his nose. "Lovely."

"Hey," said Sirius. "All cake is good cake, regardless of age or flavour. Unless it's coffee, I hate that."

**That evening, Dudley paraded around the living-room for the family in his brand-new uniform. Smeltings' boys wore maroon tailcoats, orange knickerbockers and flat straw hats called boaters.**

They sniggered, picturing the scene.

**They also carried knobbly sticks, used for hitting each other when the teacher wasn't looking. This was supposed to be good training for later life.**

Sirius paused, and looked up at the others. "…What?"

They all looked just as puzzled as he did.

"Good training for later life?" James finally asked.

"I thought the school must be bad, considering the Dursleys," Remus said, "but teaching a child like Dudley violence surely isn't a good thing?"

"Just carry on, Sirius," Lily said.

**As he looked at Dudley in his new knickerbockers, Uncle Vernon said gruffly that it was the proudest moment of his life.**

"Well, he's had a pretty sad life then, hasn't he?" said Sirius.

**Aunt Petunia burst into tears and said she couldn't believe it was her Ickle Dudleykins, he looked so handsome and grown-up.**

James suppressed a grin.

**Harry didn't trust himself to speak. He thought two of his ribs might already have cracked from trying not to laugh.**

"That's my boy," James said proudly.

**There was a horrible smell in the kitchen next morning when Harry went in for breakfast. It seemed to be coming from a large metal tub in the sink. The tub was full of what looked like dirty rags swimming in dirty water.**

Lily frowned, puzzled.

**'What's this?' he asked Aunt Petunia. Her lips tightened as they always did if he dared to ask a question.**

**'Your new school uniform,' she said.**

Lily sighed. "Of course it is."

**Harry looked in the bowl again. **

**'Oh,' he said, 'I didn't realise it had to be so wet.'**

Remus smiled slightly.

**'Don't be stupid,' snapped Aunt Petunia. 'I'm dyeing some of Dudley's old things grey for you. It'll look just like everyone else's when I've finished.'**

"I doubt it," said James.

**Harry seriously doubted this,**

"Ah, he's just like you, Prongs," said Sirius.

"Well that's not too surprising, Padfoot. He is my son, after all."

**but thought it best not to argue.**

"Probably for the best, knowing my sister."

"If she's anything like you, then…" Sirius trailed off as Lily glared at him.

**He sat down at the table and tried not to think about how he was going to look on his first day at Stonewall High-**

"Awesome," said James sincerely. "Us Potters can't help ourselves; it's just our natural state."

**like he was wearing bits of old elephant skin, probably.**

**Dudley and Uncle Vernon came in, both with wrinkled noses because of the smell from Harry's new uniform.**

"Just buy him one, if it's so bad!" Lily said, frustrated.

**Uncle Vernon opened his newspaper as usual and Dudley banged his Smelting stick,**

"Does he carry that stick everywhere?" Remus asked.

**which he carried everywhere,**

"Oh, I guess he does."

**on the table. **

**They heard the click of the letter-box and flop of letters on the doormat.**

**'Get the post, Dudley,' said Uncle Vernon from behind his paper.**

Sirius looked up, a confused look on his face. "Did he just ask Dudley to do something? Isn't that against the laws of physics or something?"

**'Make Harry get it.'**

**'Get the post, Harry.'**

**'Make Dudley get it.'**

**'Poke him with your Smelting stick, Dudley.'**

"I spoke too soon," said Sirius, looking disappointed.

**Harry dodged the Smelting stick and went to get the post. Three things lay on the doormat: a postcard from Uncle Vernon's sister Marge, who was holidaying on the Isle of Wight, a brown envelope that looked like a bill and- ****_a letter for Harry_****.**

"Told you," said James smugly.

**Harry picked it up and stared at it, his heart twanging like a giant elastic band.**

"I remember the moment I got my Hogwarts letter," said James. "I was really nervous too."

"But Harry doesn't know this is his Hogwarts letter," Lily reminded him. "He's just shocked at getting any post at all. Poor kid."

**No one, ever, in his whole life, had written to him. **

Sirius looked guilty. "Sorry, Harry,"

Remus murmured his agreement.

**Who would? He had no friends, no other relatives- he didn't belong to the library so he'd never even got rude notes asking for books back. Yet here it was, a letter, addressed so plainly there could be no mistake:**

**_Mr H. Potter_**

**_The Cupboard under the Stairs_**

**_4 Privet Drive_**

**_Little Whinging_**

**_Surrey_**

"I've always wondered how they got it so specific," James said thoughtfully. "Does Dumbledore just sit outside of your house with binoculars or something?"

"Please," said Remus, "do _not _put that thought into my head." He shuddered.

"I know this might be hard for you to understand, James," Lily said, "but they do it with _magic_."

Remus and Sirius smirked. James blushed.

"I knew that," he said. "Honest."

**The envelope was thick and heavy, made of yellowish parchment, and the address was written in emerald-green ink. There was no stamp.**

**Turning the envelope over, his hand trembling, Harry saw a purple wax seal bearing a coat of arms; a lion,**

James and Sirius cheered.

**an eagle, a badger and a snake surrounding a large letter 'H'.**

"I have to say, I feel a bit sorry for Hufflepuffs," said Sirius. "Lions and eagles are really cool; snakes obviously suit Slytherins perfectly, but Hufflepuffs just get a badger. Not the most majestic of creatures, is it?"

"Actually, badgers are really interesting," Lily countered. "Did you know, there was a badger that once basically adopted a little lost boy, looking after him and bringing him food. Plus, Mr Badger was one of the coolest characters in _Wind in the Willows_."

"What the hell is _Wind in the Willows_?" Sirius asked.

"It's a Muggle book about a rat, a mole, a toad and a badger," Remus replied, "except the toad is… oh, never mind," he gave up, seeing James and Sirius staring at him blankly.

**'Hurry up, boy!' shouted Uncle Vernon from the kitchen. 'What are you doing, checking for letter-bombs?'**

"Letter-bombs?"

Lily sighed. "Don't even ask, Sirius."

**He chuckled at his own joke.**

**Harry went back to the kitchen, still staring at his letter.**

"Uh oh," said Remus suddenly, realisation spreading on his face.

They looked at him, waiting for him to continue. When he didn't, Sirius asked: "Everything alright, Moony?"

"No, I don't think so," he said, "but keep going, I want to see if I'm right."

**He handed Uncle Vernon the bill and the postcard, sat down and slowly began to open the yellow envelope.**

"In front of the Dursleys?" said Lily, horrified.

"Exactly," Remus replied grimly.

**Uncle Vernon ripped open the bill, snorted in disgust and flipped over the postcard.**

**'Marge's ill,' he informed Aunt Petunia. 'Ate a funny whelk…'**

**'Dad!' said Dudley suddenly, 'Dad, Harry's got something!'**

"Thought that might happen," Remus said.

"And Tuney will know what it is," said Lily. "She saw mine when I got it. She even wrote to D-"

Lily broke off, looking ashamed of herself.

**Harry was on the point of unfolding his letter, which was written on the same heavy parchment as the envelope, when it was jerked sharply out of his hand by Uncle Vernon.**

"Hey!" said James. "Get your hands off his letter!"

**'That's ****_mine_****!' said Harry, trying to snatch it back.**

**'Who'd be writing to you?' sneered Uncle Vernon, shaking the letter open with one hand and glancing at it. His face went from red to green faster than a set of traffic lights.**

Lily smirked. "That would have been fun to watch."

**And it didn't stop there. Within seconds it was the greyish white of old porridge.**

**'P-P-Petunia!' he gasped.**

**Dudley tried to grab the letter to read it,**

"Why does he want to read it?" James asked. "It's not his letter either!"

**but Uncle Vernon held it high out of his reach. Aunt Petunia took it curiously and read the first line. For a moment it looked as though she might faint. She clutched her throat and made a choking noise.**

"-and then she died. Uncle Vernon and Dudley were so shocked that they both had heart attacks and died as well. Then Harry got to go and live with his Uncle Padfoot and they all lived happily ever after. The End."

"Sirius! Read what's in the actual book!"

"Fine," Sirius grumbled. "Although I think my version was a lot better."

**'Vernon! Oh my goodness- Vernon!'**

James snorted and raised his eyebrows suggestively at Sirius, who burst into laughter. Remus looked at the two of them and tutted, before joining them.

"That is _sick_." Lily said disgustedly. "My sister! And that- that thing! You lot are horrible!"

James forced his face into a serious expression, and tried to apologise, before failing miserably. Eventually, they recovered, and Sirius cleared his throat and continued.

**They stared at each other, seeming to have forgotten that Harry and Dudley were still in the room.**

"Don't even start," Lily said, seeing the look the boys sent each other at this sentence.

**Dudley wasn't used to being ignored. He gave his father a sharp tap on the head with his Smelting stick.**

**'I want to read that letter,' he said loudly.**

"Well you can't," said Remus. "It's Harry's."

**'****_I_**** want to read it,' said Harry furiously, 'as it's ****_mine._****'**

**'Get out, both of you,' croaked Uncle Vernon, stuffing the letter back inside its envelope.**

**Harry didn't move.**

**'I WANT MY LETTER!' he shouted.**

Sirius whistled. "Sounds like he's got your temper, Lily."

**'Let ****_me _****see it!' demanded Dudley.**

**'OUT!' roared Uncle Vernon, and he took both Harry and Dudley by the scruffs of their necks and threw them out into the hall, slamming the kitchen door behind them. Harry and Dudley promptly had a furious but silent fight over who would listen at the keyhole; Dudley won, so Harry, his glasses hanging from one ear, lay flat on his stomach to listen at the crack between door and floor.**

"That's a better spot anyway. You can barely hear anything from the keyhole." James said knowledgeably.

**'Vernon,' Aunt Petunia was saying in a quivering voice, 'look at the address- how could they possibly know where he sleeps? You don't think they're watching the house?'**

"That's what I said!" James cried triumphantly.

"James," Lily said, "becoming like my sister is not a good thing. Trust me."

**'Watching- spying- might be following us,' muttered Uncle Vernon wildly.**

**'But what should we do, Vernon? Should we write back? **

"Would writing back to Hogwarts even work?" Sirius asked. "Would they get an answer?"

"Yes," said Lily brusquely.

They looked at her frowning, but when it became obvious that she wasn't going to elaborate, Sirius carried on reading.

**Tell them we don't want-'**

**Harry could see Uncle Vernon's shiny black shoes pacing up and down the kitchen.**

**'No,' he said finally. 'No, we'll ignore it. If they don't get an answer… Yes, that's best… we won't do anything…'**

Remus rolled his eyes. "Because Dumbledore is really the type to give up that easily. He wants everyone to come to Hogwarts, just look at me. There's no way he'll let the Dursleys stand in his way."

Lily looked at him curiously. "What do you mean, just look at you? Why wouldn't you have come to Hogwarts?"

Remus realised his mistake and hurriedly said, "No reason."

**'But-'**

**'I'm not having one in the house, petunia! Didn't we swear when we took him in we'd stamp out that dangerous nonsense!'**

"That'll work…" said James sarcastically.

**That evening when he got home from work, Uncle Vernon did something he'd never done before; he visited Harry in his cupboard.**

**'Where's my letter?' said Harry, **

"Your son is so polite, Prongs," Sirius said.

"Hey, he's straight to the point," James argued. "That's not necessarily a bad thing."

**the moment Uncle Vernon had squeezed through the door.**

Remus sniggered. "I'm surprised he managed to fit."

**'Who's writing to me?'**

**'No one. It was addressed to you by mistake,' said Uncle Vernon shortly.**

"Liar," Lily said.

**'I have burned it.'**

"WHAT?!" James yelled. "That was Harry's letter! He can't just burn it! The filthy old Mug-"

"James, calm down," said Lily who was managing to control her anger. "Although burning it was a bit much."

**'It was ****_not _****a mistake,' said Harry angrily, 'it had my cupboard on it.'**

**'SILENCE!' yelled Uncle Vernon, and a couple of spiders fell from the ceiling.**

Sirius shuddered.

**He took a few deep breaths and then forced his face into a smile which looked quite painful.**

**'Er- yes, Harry- **

"Wow, they actually managed to call him by his name for once."

**about this cupboard. Your aunt and I have been thinking… you're really getting a bit big for it…**

"You've only just noticed?" said Sirius, fuming.

**we think it might be nice if you moved into Dudley's second bedroom.'**

"Wait, WHAT?!" This outburst came from Lily, who was looking furious. James tried to placate her, as he had seen that expression a million times before, and it never ended in anything good.

"There might be a perfectly reasonable explanation for why Dudley has a second bedroom and Harry… sleeps in…" Seeing Lily's glare, he trailed off.

**'Why?' said Harry.**

**'Don't ask questions!' snapped his uncle. 'Take this stuff upstairs, now.'**

**The Dursleys' house had four bedrooms: one for Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, one for visitors (usually Uncle Vernon's sister, Marge), one where Dudley slept and one where Dudley kept all the toys and things that wouldn't fit into his first bedroom.**

"So they think," said James, trying to get his head around the concept, "that some _toys _are more important than _our son_?"

**It only took Harry one trip upstairs to move everything he owned from the cupboard to this room.**

Lily bit her lip but didn't say anything.

**He sat down on the bed and stared around him. Nearly everything in here was broken. The month-old cine-camera was lying on top of a small, working tank Dudley had once driven over next door's dog;**

Sirius looked horrified. "Why the dog? What did the dog ever do to him?"

**in the corner was Dudley's first-ever television set, which he had put his foot through when his favourite programme had been cancelled; there was a large birdcage which had once held a parrot that Dudley had swapped at school for a real air-rifle, which was up on a shelf with the end all bent because Dudley had sat on it. Other shelves were full of books. They were the only things in the room that looked as though they'd never been touched.**

"Of course," Remus sighed.

**From downstairs came the sound of Dudley bawling at his mother: 'I don't ****_want _****him in there… I ****_need _****that room… make him get out…'**

"Oh, boo hoo," said Sirius. "You have to give up one of your rooms. Man up, for Merlin's sake."

**Harry sighed and stretched out on the bed. Yesterday he'd have given anything to be up here. Today he'd rather be back in his cupboard with that letter than up here without it.**

**Next morning at breakfast, everyone was rather quiet. Dudley was in shock. He'd screamed, whacked his father with his Smelting stick, been sick on purpose, kicked his mother and thrown his tortoise through the greenhouse roof and he still didn't have his room back.**

"Good," said Lily. "It's nice to know that Tuney does have some hope, if she manages to hold out. Even if it is for her own purposes."

**Harry was thinking about this time yesterday and bitterly wishing he'd opened his letter in the hall.**

"See, that would have been the sensible thing to do," said Sirius.

**Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia kept looking at each other darkly.**

**When the post arrived, Uncle Vernon, who seemed to be trying to be nice to Harry,**

"Finally," said Remus, "although it would be better if he was actually doing it for the right reasons."

**made Dudley go and get it. They heard him banging things with his Smelting stick all the way down the hall. Then he shouted: 'There's another one! ****_Mr H Potter, The Smallest Bedroom, 4 Privet Drive_****-'**

"I thought he wanted to read it?" said James. "Why would he be yelling about it?"

"Because he's not exactly the brightest, Prongs."

**With a strangled cry, Uncle Vernon leapt from his seat and ran down the hall, Harry right behind him- Uncle Vernon had to wrestle Dudley to the ground to get the letter from him, which was made difficult by the fact that Harry had grabbed Uncle Vernon around the neck from behind.**

"You go, Harry!" James cheered.

**After a minute of confused fighting, in which everyone got hit a lot by the Smelting stick, Uncle Vernon straightened up, gasping for breath, with Harry's letter clutched in his hand.**

"Dammit!"

**'Go to your cupboard- I mean, your bedroom,' he wheezed at Harry. 'Dudley- go- just go.'**

**Harry walked round and round his new room. Someone knew he had moved out of his cupboard and they seemed to know he hadn't received his first letter.**

"Ooooh," said Sirius, trying to be scary. "Watch out Harry- _they know where you live_." With this, he cackled maniacally. The others looked at each other, waiting for him to finish. When finally he did, they looked at him hopefully and he picked up the book, whining: "You lot are no fun"

**Surely that meant they'd try again? And this time he'd make sure they didn't fail. He had a plan.**

"Sounds ominous," said Lily.

"There's a gap," Sirius said. "I think this is a new section."

**The repaired alarm clock rang at six o'clock the next morning.**

"I wish we had an alarm clock," said Sirius wistfully. "It would be a much nicer thing to wake up to than Prongs singing along to Celestina Warbeck in the shower."

He and Remus shuddered.

**Harry turned it off quickly and dressed silently. He mustn't wake the Dursleys. He stole downstairs without turning on any of the lights.**

**He was going to wait for the postman on the corner of Privet Drive and get the letters for number four first. His heart hammered as he crept across the dark hall towards the front door-**

**'AAAAARRRGH!'**

James, Lily and Remus covered their ears.

"Did you have to yell that so loud, Sirius?" Lily asked.

"I was just doing what it said in the book," he said defensively.

**Harry leapt into the air- he'd trodden on something big and squishy on the doormat- something ****_alive_****!**

**Lights clicked on upstairs and to his horror Harry realised that the big squashy something had been his uncle's face.**

"Oh Merlin, that can't be good."

**Uncle Vernon had been lying at the foot of the front door in a sleeping bag, clearly making sure that Harry didn't do exactly what he'd been trying to do.**

"All night? He's determined."

**He shouted at Harry for about half an hour and then told him to go and make a cup of tea. Harry shuffled miserably off into the kitchen and by the time he got back, the post had arrive, right into Uncle Vernon's lap. Harry could see three letters addressed in green ink.**

"Why do they think that sending three will make any difference?" Remus said. "If the Dursleys won't let him have one, it'll be just the same with three."

**'I want-' he began, but Uncle Vernon was tearing the letters into pieces before his eyes. **

"Dick."

"James!"

**Uncle Vernon didn't go to work that day. He stayed at home and nailed up the letter-box.**

**'See,' he explained to Aunt Petunia through a mouthful of nails, 'if they can't ****_deliver _****them they'll just give up.'**

"I doubt it."

**'I'm not sure that'll work, Vernon.'**

"Wow, for once, Tuney and I agree on something."

**'Oh, these people's minds work in strange ways, Petunia, they're not like you and me,'**

"Good. I don't want to be like you anyway."

**said Uncle Vernon, trying to knock in a nail with the piece of fruit cake Aunt Petunia had just brought him.**

They grinned.

**On Friday, no less than twelve letters arrived for Harry. As they couldn't go through the letter-box they had been pushed under the door, slotted through the sides and a few even forced through the small window in the downstairs toilet.**

"Determined, aren't they?"

**Uncle Vernon stayed at home again. After burning all the letters, he got out a hammer and nails and boarded up the cracks around the front and back doors so no one could go out.**

"Is it really that bad," said James, "to have someone in your house go to Hogwarts? Why does he care so much? Wizards aren't _that_ bad."

"You underestimate just how much Vernon hates magic." Lily said. "He told my sister that he could accept her having a witch for a sister because he loved her so much, and he realised that even the best families could have a rotten egg."

"A rotten egg?" James repeated. "He called you _a rotten egg_? I swear on Merlin's lacy knickers, I'm going to hunt him down and killhim!"

"Calm down, James, it's just what I expected from Tuney's boyfriend." Lily said bitterly.

James looked livid, but motioned for Sirius to continue.

**He hummed 'Tiptoe through the Tulips' as he worked, and jumped at small noises.**

"And he calls _us _weirdos."

**On Saturday, things began to get out of hand. **

"Began?"

**Twenty-four letters to Harry found their way into the house, rolled up and hidden inside each of the two dozen eggs that their very confused milkman had handed Aunt Petunia through the living-room window. While Uncle Vernon made furious telephone calls to the post office and the dairy trying to find someone to complain to, Aunt Petunia shredded the letters in her food mixer.**

"Wouldn't taste very nice."

"I don't think she was planning on eating them, Padfoot."

**'Who on earth wants to talk to ****_you _****this badly?' Dudley asked Harry in amazement.**

"Lots of people, you big, fat pig," James retorted angrily.

**On Sunday morning, Uncle Vernon sat down at the breakfast table looking tired and rather ill, but happy. **

**'No post on Sundays,' he reminded them happily**

"Yeah, like that's going to stop them."

**as he spread marmalade on his newspapers, 'no damn letters today-'**

**Something came whizzing down the kitchen chimney as he spoke and caught him sharply on the back of the head.**

Lily chuckled. "I would have loved to have seen his face when that happened."

**Next moment, thirty or forty letters came pelting out of the fireplace like bullets. The Dursleys ducked, but Harry leapt into the air trying to catch one-**

James, Remus, and Lily started to cheer him on.

"Go on, Harry!"

"You can do it!"

"Grab it! Grab it!"

**'Out!' OUT!'**

Their faces fell.

**Uncle Vernon seized Harry around the waist and threw him into the hall.**

"Oi! That's my son you just chucked!"

**When Aunt Petunia and Dudley had run out with their arms over their faces,**

"Wimps. It's only letters."

Remus looked up at Sirius. "You've obviously never had a paper-cut. Nasty little buggers, they are…"

**Uncle Vernon slammed the door shut. They could hear the letters still streaming into the room, bouncing off the walls and floor.**

"How many did they send?" Lily asked, amazed.

**'That does it,' said Uncle Vernon, trying to speak calmly but pulling great tufts out of his moustache at the same time.**

Lily giggled at the image.

**'I want you all back here in five minutes ready to leave. We're going away. Just pack some clothes. No arguments!'**

"Five minutes?" said Lily. "How are they meant to be ready in five minutes? They don't even know where they're going or how long for; they need to know what type of clothes they should bring, and some entertainment, probably a good book, and-"

"Lily," James cut her off, and started checking off the items with his fingers, "two pairs of underwear- one to wear while the other pair is washing- a t-shirt, a jumper, jeans and a pair of socks. That's it."

"But-" she broke off and sighed. "You're boys. You wouldn't understand."

**He looked so dangerous with half his moustache missing**

Lily giggled again, this time louder. They looked at her.

"What!" she cried. "It just gets funnier the more you picture it!"

**that no one dared argue. Ten minutes later they had wrenched their way through the boarded-up doors and were in the car, speeding towards the motorway. Dudley was sniffling in the back seat; his father had hit him round the head for holding them up while he tried to pack his television, video and computer in his sports bag.**

"Grow a pair, fattie." was all that Sirius could say.

**They drove. And they drove. Even Aunt Petunia didn't dare ask where they were going.**

"What a loving relationship they have," Lily said. "You really know how to pick the good ones, don't you Tuney?"

**Every now and then Uncle Vernon would take a sharp turning and drive in the opposite direction for a while.**

**'Shake 'em off… shake 'em off,' he would mutter whenever he did this.**

**They didn't stop to eat or drink all day.**

Sirius looked horrified. "No food? All day? How did they survive?"

**By nightfall Dudley was howling. He'd never had such a bad day in his life. He was hungry, he'd missed five television programmes he'd wanted to see and he'd never gone so long without blowing up an alien on his computer.**

Sirius looked at Lily. "Explain?"

"It's a Muggle game. He's not blowing up actual aliens. He's just found a very destructive way to spend his time."

**Uncle Vernon stopped at last outside a gloomy-looking hotel on the outskirts of a big city. Dudley and Harry shared a room with twin beds and damp, musty sheets.**

"And I thought it was bad sharing a room with Sirius, who decides to invent a new potion at three in the morning and ends up blowing up your bed."

**Dudley snored but Harry stayed awake, sitting on the window-sill, staring down at the lights of passing cars and wondering…**

"Wondering about what?"

"The letters, idiot."

**They ate stale cornflakes and cold tinned tomatoes on toast for breakfast next day.**

Sirius gagged.

**They had just finished when the owner of the hotel came over to their table.**

**'Scuse me, but is one of you Mr H. Potter? Only I got about an 'undred of these at the front desk.'**

**She held up a letter so they could read the green ink address:**

**_Mr H. Potter_**

**_Room 17_**

**_Railview Hotel_**

**_Cokeworth_**

"Cokeworth?" James said distastefully. "I almost feel sorry for old Vermin. If the letters are so bad that they've forced him to go to _Cokeworth_…"

"You are such a snob. I bet you don't even know where Cokeworth is."

"No, but it sounds nasty."

**Harry made a grab for the letter**

"Yes!"

**but Uncle Vernon knocked his hand out of the way.**

"Oh. Dammit!"

"Did you really think it would be that easy, Prongs? After all that build-up?"

**The woman stared. **

"And quite rightly," said Remus. "They aren't exactly acting normally."

**'I'll take them,' said Uncle Vernon, standing up quickly and following her from the dining-room.**

"And there's another gap. New part of the story."

**'Wouldn't it be better just to go home, dear?' Aunt Petunia suggested timidly, hours later, but Uncle Vernon didn't seem to hear her.**

"You're right, Lils," James said. "It's not a great marriage, is it?"

**Exactly what he was looking for, none of them knew. He drove them into the middle of a forest, got out, looked around, shook his head, got back in the car and off they went again. The same thing happened across a suspension bridge and at the top of a multi-storey car park.**

**'Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?' Dudley asked Aunt Petunia dully late that afternoon.**

"I almost feel sorry for the kid," said Lily. "Almost."

**Uncle Vernon had parked at the coast, locked them all inside the car and disappeared.**

"It's a pity he locked it," said James. "They could've gone for a swim."

**It started to rain.**

"Ah. Maybe not then."

**Great drops beat on the roof of the car. Dudley snivelled.**

**'It's Monday,' he told his mother.**

"Wow," said Remus, "he knows the days of the week."

**'The Great Humberto's on tonight.**

"What?"

"I assume it's a television show, Sirius."

"Oh, thanks Lily."

**I want to stay somewhere with a ****_television_****.'**

**Monday. This reminded Harry of something.**

"Garfield?" Lily asked. Remus chuckled, while the other two looked on with uncomprehending eyes.

**If it ****_was _****Monday- and you could usually count on Dudley to know the days of the week, because of television-**

"That explains it," said Remus.

**then tomorrow, Tuesday, was Harry's eleventh birthday.**

"Awesome," said Sirius. "Eleven's a great age to be. Remember all the mischief we got up to when we were eleven, Prongs?"

"We always get up to mischief, no matter our age."

"Yes, but that was the year of the blancmange."

"Oh yeah," They both gazed at the air, lost in memory. Remus coughed, and they jerked back into reality.

**Of course, his birthdays were never exactly fun- last year, the Dursleys had given him a coat-hanger and a pair of Uncle Vernon's old socks.**

Lily snarled.

**Still, you weren't eleven every day.**

**Uncle Vernon was back and he was smiling.**

"Never a good sign. Goes against the natural order of things, that does."

**He was also carrying a long, thin package**

James, Sirius and Remus exchanged meaningful glances and smirked.

**and didn't answer Aunt Petunia when she asked what he'd bought.**

"Rude. You should always listen to women, otherwise things can get nasty." James shot a fleeting look at Lily, but averted his eyes quickly when she turned to him, frowning.

**'Found the perfect place!' he said. 'Come on! Everyone out!'**

"…The perfect place for what, exactly?" James voiced what was on everyone's minds.

"I'm sure we'll find out, Prongs," Remus said.

**It was very cold outside the car.**

"It thought it was the summer holidays!"

"It's in England though, Pads."

"Oh yeah."

**Uncle Vernon was pointing at what looked like a large rock way out to sea. Perched on top of the rock was the most miserable little shack you could imagine.**

"Surely he doesn't mean for them to sleep in there?"

"I think he does, Lils."

**One thing was for certain, there was no television in there.**

"Dudley won't be happy."

"Serves him right, for being such an obnoxious little brat."

**'Storm forecast for tonight!' said Uncle Vernon gleefully, clapping his hands together. 'And this gentleman's kindly agreed to lend us his boat!'**

**A toothless old man came ambling up to them, pointing, with a rather wicked grin, at an old rowing boat bobbing in the iron-grey water below them.**

James looked uneasily at Lily. "That sounds… safe," he said.

She grimaced but didn't reply.

**'I've already got us some rations,' said Uncle Vernon,**

"You'll need more than just 'some rations' with you and your son around," James muttered.

**'so all aboard!'**

**It was freezing in the boat. Icy sea spray and rain crept down their necks and a chilly wind whipped their faces. After what seemed like hours they reached the rock, where Uncle Vernon, slipping and sliding,**

"Hope he falls in," said Lily.

"Not with the rations, though," said Sirius quickly.

**led the way to the broken-down house.**

**The inside was horrible;**

"No! Really?" said James sarcastically. "I was expecting a five star hotel!"

**it smelled strongly of seaweed, the wind whistled through the gaps in the wooden walls and the fireplace was damp and empty. There were only two rooms.**

**Uncle Vernon's rations turned out to be a packet of crisps each and four bananas.**

Sirius was appalled. "That's hardly anything!"

**He tried to start a fire but the empty crisp packets just smoked and shrivelled up.**

"And now might be a good time to have magic on your side."

**'Could do with some of those letters now, eh?' he said cheerfully.**

"Is he- is he actually joking?" Lily asked. She whistled. "Never thought I'd see the day."

**He was in a very good mood. Obviously he thought nobody stood a chance of reaching them here in a storm to deliver post. Harry privately agreed, though the thought didn't cheer him up at all.**

"Your son's a bit of a miserable little bugger, isn't he, Prongs?"

"Well, I've yet to find out about your son, Padfoot. _Mine _survived Voldemort when he was just a baby."

**As night fell, the promised storm blew up around them. Spray from the high waves splattered the walls of the hut and a fierce wind rattled the filthy windows.**

"Filthy windows? I bet Tuney's just _loving _that."

**Aunt Petunia found a few mould blankets in the second room and made up a bed for Dudley on the moth-eaten sofa. She and Uncle Vernon went off to the lumpy bed next door and Harry was left to find the softest bit of floor he could and curl up under the thinnest, most ragged blanket.**

"Gits," said Sirius viciously.

**The storm raged more and more ferociously as the night went on.**

"I hope that hut manages to withstand it," Lily said, worried.

**Harry couldn't sleep. **

"I feel his pain. I can't sleep during storms either."

"Ahh, are you scared, Padfoot?"

"Shut up, Moony."

**He shivered and turned over, trying to get comfortable, his stomach rumbling with hunger. Dudley's snores were drowned by the low rolls of thunder that started near midnight. The lighted dial of Dudley's watch, which was dangling over the edge of the sofa on his fat wrist, told Harry he'd be eleven in ten minutes time. **

"Actually that depends on what time he was born. Unless he was born at midnight, then it probably isn't ten minutes at all. In fact-"

"Padfoot?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

**He lay and watched his birthday tick nearer, wondering if the Dursleys would remember at all,**

"They'd better."

**wondering where the letter-writer was now.**

**Five minutes to go. Harry heard something creak outside. He hoped the roof wasn't going to fall in, although he might be warmer if it did. Four minutes to go. Maybe the house in Privet Drive would be so full of letters when they got back that he'd be able to steal one somehow.**

"Thinking like a true Marauder. I feel so proud."

**Three minutes to go. Was that the sea, slapping hard on the rocks like that? And (two minutes to go) what was that funny crunching noise? Was the rock crumbling into the sea?**

"I hope not. It would be a rather sudden end to the story. What would the rest of the book be made of? Blank pages?"

**One minute to go and he'd be eleven. Thirty seconds… twenty- ten- nine- maybe he'd wake Dudley up, just to annoy him-**

"Definitely a Marauder."

"Yeah, I can't count the amount of times you lot have done that to me."

"Sorry, Moony."

**three- two- one-**

**BOOM.**

**The whole shack shivered and Harry sat bolt upright, staring at the door. Someone was outside, knocking to come in.**

"And that's the end of the chapter," said Sirius. "So who do we think the mysterious knockers are?"

"Dumbledore?" Remus said.

"Nah, I reckon it's Death Eaters," said James cockily.

"Death Eaters who knock?"

"…Yeah?"

"Maybe it's me!" Sirius said excited, "coming to take Harry away and teach him the ways of mischief-making!"

"Sirius," said Lily, "he's James' son. He won't need any help in mischief-making. Although I do hope my genes will have _some _influence."

"I wouldn't count on it," Remus advised her. "Marauder genes are very dominant."

"That's true, my dear Moony," Sirius said. "Anyway, I'm bored of reading. Who wants to take over?"

"I will," said James. Sirius handed him the book. "Okay, Chapter Four- The Keeper of the Keys."

**A/N: Read and review! Reviewers will get cookies! Oh and by the way, I need your advice on this story. When should Lily find out about Remus being a werewolf? Now, or should she find out with Harry in the third book? Thanks :)**


	5. The Keeper of the Keys

**A/N: I am so sorry! Blame real life, it keeps getting in the way of writing. First there was my computer virus, which I thought I had got rid of, but then came back with a vengeance. Then there's stupid revision. And on top of that, I just had a massive argument with my mum where she tried to ban me from the computer, so I'm doing this secretly while she's busy. But anyway, you don't want to listen to me ranting about my boring life. Here's the next chapter: enjoy! And comments about Lily finding out about Remus' furry little secret have been taken on board, you'll have to wait and see how it turns out.**

**Warning: This fic does contain swearing, which is the main reason it's rated T. Read at your own risk. :P**

**Thank you for all the reviews; they really make my day!**

**La Boricua Cullen: I'm so glad it made you laugh, although I hope you've managed to get your ass firmly back on. Without it, certain things could become very difficult! But that review really warmed my heart, I'm really glad my fic is somehow original and funny :) **

** : Thanks so much! I'm sorry you had to wait so long, I'll try and get the chapters up faster if I can!**

**lexi427: Thank you! I've tried to keep everyone IC just because I hate it when fics warp your favourite characters beyond recognition!**

**prongslet: Thank you so much! I probably won't have Harry turn up though: time travel fics always seem a little unrealistic to me. But I'll see if there's a way of including them. :)**

**sortacus: Thank you! Will do :)**

**Anonymous guest reviews:**

**1) Thanks :) That gave me an idea of how she should find out. I'll try and update sooner next time- sorry you had to wait!**

**2) Thank you very much! I'll update again as soon as possible. Hope you like this chapter just as much!**

**Disclaimer: I am not, nor will I ever be, JK Rowling. She is an amazing human being and all credit goes to her.**

**Chapter Four- The Keeper of the Keys**

**BOOM. They knocked again. Dudley jerked awake.**

**'Where's the cannon?' he said stupidly.**

"Well, let's be honest," said Remus, "it's hard for him to say anything in any other way, isn't it?"

**There was a crash behind them and Uncle Vernon came skidding into the room. He was holding a rifle in his hands- now they knew what had been in the long, thin package he had brought with them.**

"What's a rifle?" Sirius asked.

"It's a gun," Lily said. "A kind of metal wand that Muggles use to inflict pain on each other," she continued on seeing his puzzled face.

"Awesome!"

"Not really, considering the amount of people who have died meaninglessly because of them."

"Oh, yeah."

**'Who's there?' he shouted. 'I warn you- I'm armed!'**

**There was a pause. Then-**

**SMASH!**

**The door was hit with such force that it swung clean off its hinges and with a deafening crash landed flat on the floor.**

"Wow," said Sirius. "Sounds like whoever did that really needs some anger management classes."

**A giant of a man was standing in the doorway. His face was almost completely hidden by a long, shaggy mane of hair and a wild, tangled beard, but you could make out his eyes, glinting like black beetles under all the hair.**

"Hagrid!" they all cried.

"Thank Merlin," said Lily. "Hagrid's nice. At least Harry will actually be able to have a good time for once."

**The giant squeezed his way into the hut, stooping so that his head just brushed the ceiling. He bent down, picked up the door and fitted it easily back into its frame.**

"Typical Hagrid," Remus chuckled. "So polite, in his own, slightly weird way."

**The noise of the storm outside dropped a little. He turned to look at them all.**

**'Couldn't make us a cup o' tea, could yeh? It's not been an easy journey…'**

They all laughed.

"Yep," said Sirius, "definitely Hagrid."

**He strode over to the sofa where Dudley sat frozen with fear.**

**'Budge up, yeh great lump,' said the stranger.**

They smirked at each other.

**Dudley squeaked **

Their grins grew wider.

**and ran to hide behind his mother, who was crouching, terrified, behind Uncle Vernon.**

**'An' here's Harry!' said the giant.**

"Okay, we know that Hagrid's nice," said Remus, "but if you didn't know him, that could be terrifying!"

"What are you talking about?" said Sirius. "Anyone with eyes can tell that Hagrid's awesome."

**Harry looked up into the fierce, wild shadowy face**

"See? Scary." Remus looked smugly at Sirius.

**and saw that the beetle eyes were crinkled into a smile.**

"Sorry, what was that Moony? I couldn't hear you over the sound of how right I was."

**'Las' time I saw you, you was only a baby,' said the giant. 'Yeh look a lot like yer dad,**

"Poor kid."

"Hey!"

**but yeh've got yer mum's eyes.'**

"Not all bad then."

"Thanks, Sirius."

"Not a problem." Sirius stuck his tongue out at James. "And _that_, Prongs, is how you go about getting an Evans woman. Nowhere near as hard as you make it out to be."

Lily's eyes flashed dangerously.

"Er, Padfoot?" James said, noticing this. "You might want to stop there."

**Uncle Vernon made a funny rasping noise.**

**'I demand that you leave at once, sir!' he said. 'You are breaking and entering!'**

**'Ah, shut up, Dursley, yeh great prune,' said the giant;**

They sniggered.

**he reached over the back of the sofa, jerked the gun out of Uncle Vernon's hands, bent it into a knot as easily as if it had been made out of rubber, and threw it into a corner of the room.**

**Uncle Vernon made another funny noise, like a mouse being trodden on.**

"I wish he would get trodden on," Lily muttered.

"Nah, he's too big," said Sirius. "You would have to apply force with some sort of machinery to squash him. Maybe a torture instrument could do it. I could ask my family; I'm sure they've got some squirreled away in the attic."

**'Anyway- Harry,' said the giant, turning his back on the Dursleys, 'a very happy birthday to yeh. Got summat for yeh here- I mighta sat on it at some point, but it'll taste all right.'**

**From an inside pocket of his black overcoat he pulled a slightly squashed box. Harry opened it with trembling fingers. Inside was a large, sticky chocolate cake with ****_Happy Birthday Harry _****written on it in green icing.**

Sirius' stomach grumbled. He looked up, about to mention it, when he realised they were all studiously ignoring him and he closed his mouth. They breathed a sigh of relief and James continued.

**Harry looked up at the giant. He meant to say thank you, but the words got lost on the way to his mouth, and what he said instead was, 'Who are you?'**

"Rude."

**The giant chuckled.**

**'True, I haven't introduced meself. Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts.'**

"Well that explains the chapter title."

**He held out an enormous hand and shook Harry's whole arm.**

**'What about that tea then, eh?' he said, rubbing his hands together. 'I'd not say no ter summat stronger if yeh've got it, mind.'**

James tutted. "Setting a bad example to an easily-influenced young person. Not good enough, Hagrid, not good enough."

Lily laughed at him. "Get your head out of your arse, James."

James stared in amazement. "I thought you would approve!"

"Of you being a boring old man? No chance! Why don't you try acting like a normal person around me for once?"

Sirius laughed. "See, Prongs, even Evans thinks you're boring. This just shows what being Head Boy does to you. You haven't pranked anyone in ages! I'm considering making Moony my right-hand pranker!"

Remus looked up, alarmed. "Erm, no thanks Padfoot."

Sirius' lower lip trembled. "Why not?"

Remus scrambled for something to appease him. "I- er- I, um, I have to do your homework for you! Who else are you going to copy at half eleven the night before?"

Sirius considered this. "That's true. Good point Moony, although I'm afraid that means I can't make you my right-hand pranker."

"What a shame."

**His eyes fell on the empty grate with the shrivelled crisp packets in it and he snorted. He bent down over the fireplace; they couldn't see what he was doing but when he drew back a second later, there was a roaring fire there. It filled the whole damp hut with flickering light and Harry felt the warmth wash over him as though he'd sunk into a hot bath.**

"I love that feeling," said Lily, smiling to herself. "It's like heaven. That was the best part of being made a prefect- the prefect's bath."

"Yeah," Remus said, "it is pretty nice in there."

"I prefer showers, myself." said James, and Sirius nodded.

"Me too."

**The giant sat back down on the sofa, which sagged under his weight, and began taking all sorts of things out of the pockets of his coat: a copper kettle, a squashy packet of sausages, a poker, a teapot, several chipped mugs and a bottle of some amber liquid which he took a swig from before starting to make tea. **

James opened his mouth to voice disapproval, then caught Lily's eye and closed it again. They smiled at each other and he turned back to the story.

**Soon the hut was full of the sound and smell of sizzling sausage.**

"When's lunch?" Sirius asked, but he was ignored.

**Nobody said a thing while the giant was working, but as he slid the first six fat, juicy, slightly burnt sausages from the poker, Dudley fidgeted a little.**

"As if he's going to get any," Lily said scornfully.

**Uncle Vernon said sharply, 'Don't touch anything he gives you, Dudley.'**

**The giant chuckled darkly.**

**'Yer great puddin' of a son don' need fattenin' any more, Dursley, don' worry.'**

**He passed the sausages to Harry, who was so hungry he had never tasted anything so wonderful,**

"That's not because you're hungry," said Sirius knowledgeably. "That's just because sausages are the best food in the world. Apart from maybe bacon. Or cake! Mmm…"

**but he still couldn't take his eyes off the giant. Finally, as no one seemed to explain anything, he said, 'I'm sorry, but I still don't really know who you are.'**

"Very polite, isn't he?" said Lily.

"That'll be your genes coming through Lily," Remus said. "After all, it definitely didn't come from James."

**The giant took a gulp of tea and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.**

**'Call me Hagrid,' he said, 'everyone does. An' like I told yeh, I'm keeper of keys at Hogwarts- yeh'll know all about Hogwarts, o' course.'**

"Nope," said Remus.

**'Er- no,' said Harry.**

**Hagrid looked shocked.**

**'Sorry,' Harry said quickly.**

Lily looked pained. "It's not your fault," she told the book.

**'****_Sorry_****?' barked Hagrid, turning to stare at the Dursleys, who shrank back into the shadows. 'It's them as should be sorry! I knew yeh weren't getting' yer letters but I never thought yeh wouldn't even know abou' Hogwarts, fer cryin' out loud! Did yeh never wonder where yer parents learnt it all?'**

**'All what?' asked Harry.**

**'ALL WHAT?' Hagrid thundered. 'Now wait jus' one second!'**

They were all watching James eagerly, trying to anticipate what Hagrid would do or say next.

**He had leapt to his feet. In his anger he seemed to fill the whole hut. The Dursleys were cowering against the wall.**

**'Do you mean ter tell me,' he growled at the Dursleys, 'that this boy- this boy!- knows nothin' abou'- about ANYTHING?'**

**Harry thought this was going a bit far. He had been to school, after all, and his marks weren't bad.**

Remus chuckled. "Not quite what he meant, Harry."

**'I know ****_some _****things,' he said. 'I can, you know, do maths and stuff.'**

**But Hagrid simply waved his hand and said, 'About ****_our _****world, I mean. ****_Your _****world. ****_My _****world. ****_Yer parents' world_****.'**

"Wow, we own a world, Lily!"

"Shut up, James."

**'What world?'**

**Hagrid looked as if he was about to explode.**

**'DURSLEY!'**

"Hagrid! Hagrid! Hagrid!" Sirius started chanting.

**Uncle Vernon, who had gone very pale, whispered something that sounded like 'Mimblewimble'.**

They snorted with laughter.

**Hagrid stared wildly at Harry.**

**'But yeh know about yer mum and dad,' he said. 'I mean, they're ****_famous_****. You're ****_famous_****.'**

"Cool! We're famous!"

**'What? My- my mum and dad weren't famous, were they?'**

**'Yeh don't know… yeh don't know…' Hagrid ran his fingers through his hair,**

"Well that won't make it look any better."

"Tell that to Prongs."

"Hey! I don't do that anymore! Well, not as much, anyway."

**fixing Harry with a bewildered stare.**

**'Yeh don't know what yeh ****_are_****?' he said finally.**

**Uncle Vernon suddenly found his voice.**

"Why can't he just shut up!" said Sirius, exasperated.

**'Stop!' he commanded, 'stop right there, sir! I forbid you to tell the boy anything!'**

**A braver man than Uncle Vernon would have quailed under the furious look Hagrid now gave him; when Hagrid spoke, his every syllable quivered with rage.**

"Uh oh."

**'You never told him? Never told him what was in the letter Dumbledore left fer him? I was there! I saw Dumbledore leave it, Dursley! An' you've kept it from him all these years?'**

"Yeah! Go Hagrid!"

"Calm down, Sirius."

**'Keep ****_what _****from me?' said Harry eagerly.**

**'STOP! I FORBID YOU!' yelled Uncle Vernon in panic.**

"Like that'll stop Hagrid."

**Aunt Petunia gasped in horror.**

"Oh, grow a pair, Tuney."

**'Ah, go boil yer heads, both of yeh,' said Hagrid. 'Harry- yer a wizard.'**

They all looked at each other. Sirius gave a low whistle.

"Way to break it to the poor kid," said Lily. "That won't shock him at all."

**There was silence inside the hut. Only the sea and the whistling wind could be heard.**

**'I'm a ****_what_****?' gasped Harry.**

**'A wizard, o' course,' said Hagrid, sitting back down on the sofa, which groaned and sank even lower, 'an' a thumpin' good'un, I'd say, once yeh've been trained up a bit. With a mum an' dad like yours, what else would yeh be?**

James and Lily beamed. Remus groaned, sharing a frustrated look with Sirius.

"Hagrid! Don't make his head any bigger!"

"Be quiet, Moony, I want to find out what else he has to say. After all, he speaks only the truth."

**An' I reckon it's abou' time yeh read yer letter.'**

"Hear hear."

**Harry stretched out his hand at last to take the yellowish envelope, addressed in emerald green to ****_Mr H. Potter, The Floor, Hut-on-the-rock, The Sea._**

"I'm amazed they actually managed to work out some sort of address," said Lily.

**He pulled out the letter and read:**

**_HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY_**

**_Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore_**

They cheered.

**_(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump,_**

"What is a Mugwump?" Sirius asked.

"No idea," said Remus.

**_International Confed. of Wizards)_**

**_Dear Mr Potter,_**

**_We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment._**

**_Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July._**

**_Yours sincerely,_**

**Minerva McGonagall**

**Deputy Headmistress**

"Good old Minnie."

**Questions exploded in Harry's head like fireworks and he couldn't decide which to ask first.**

"I remember the feeling," said Lily.

**After a few minutes he stammered, 'What does it mean, they await my owl?'**

**'Gallopin' Gorgons, that reminds me,' said Hagrid, clapping a hand to his forehead with enough force to knock over a cart horse, and from another pocket inside his overcoat**

"How many pockets does he have?"

**he pulled an owl-**

"A live owl? In his pocket?"

"If you'll let me finish…"

**a real, live, rather ruffled-looking owl-**

"Oh right. Wow, weird."

**a long quill and a roll of parchment. With his tongue between his teeth he scribbled a note which Harry could read upside-down:**

**_Dear Mr Dumbledore,_**

"It's weird hearing someone call him _Mr _Dumbledore."

**_Given Harry his letter. Taking him to buy his things tomorrow._**

**_Weather's horrible. Hope you're well._**

**_Hagrid_**

**Hagrid rolled up the note, gave it to the owl, which clamped it in its beak, went to the door and threw the owl out into the storm. Then he came back and sat down as though this was as normal as talking on the telephone.**

"Well, for us, it is." said Remus reasonably.

**Harry realised his mouth was open and closed it quickly.**

**'Where was I?' said Hagrid, but at that moment, Uncle Vernon, still ashen-faced but looking very angry, moved into the firelight.**

"That's not good."

"Are you kidding? Hagrid could take him easily."

"True."

**'He's not going,' he said.**

**Hagrid grunted.**

**'I'd like ter see a great Muggle like you stop him,' he said.**

They laughed.

**'A what?' said Harry, interested.**

**'A Muggle,' said Hagrid, 'it's what we call non-magic folk like them. An' it's your bad luck you grew up in a family o' the biggest Muggles I ever laid eyes on.'**

"Both figuratively and literally," Sirius muttered.

**'We swore when we took him in we'd put a stop to that rubbish,' said Uncle Vernon, 'swore we'd stamp it out of him! Wizard, indeed!'**

**'You ****_knew_****?' said Harry, 'You ****_knew_**** I'm a- a wizard?'**

"Yeah, they knew," Lily sighed.

**'Knew!' shrieked Aunt Petunia suddenly, '****_Knew! _****Of course we knew! How could you not be, my dratted sister being what she was?**

Lily looked a bit miffed. "_Dratted _sister? Oh, thanks Tuney, I love you too."

**Oh, she got a letter just like that and disappeared off to that- that ****_school_****- and came home every holiday with her pockets full of frog-spawn, turning teacups into rats.**

Sirius looked up suddenly. "You turned teacups into rats? And had pockets full of frog-spawn?" Lily nodded. "Why Lily Evans, you little minx." He shook his head at James. "I'm not sure I approve, Prongs, she could be a bad influence on you."

James snorted.

**I was the only one who saw her for what she was- a freak! But for my mother and father, oh no, it was Lily this and Lily that, they were proud of having a witch in the family!'**

"And so they should be!" James cried.

**She stopped to draw a deep breath and then went ranting on. It seemed she had been wanting to say all this for years.**

"Trust me, she has."

**'Then she met that Potter at school and they left and got married and had you,**

James allowed himself a small smile at this.

**and of course I knew you'd be just the same, just as strange, just as- as- ****_abnormal_****- and then, if you please, she went and got herself blown up and we got landed with you!'**

"Well I didn't plan on it!" Lily exploded. "If I'd had a choice, Harry would never have gone to live with _you_! He would be living with us, having a normal life! Or as you call it, an _abnormal _life, as long as it wasn't with you!"

James exchanged glances with the others, but as she seemed to have finished, read on warily.

**Harry had gone very white. As soon as he found his voice he said, 'Blown up? You told me they died in a car crash!'**

**'CAR CRASH!' roared Hagrid, jumping up so angrily that the Dursleys scuttled back into their corner. 'How could a car crash kill Lily an' James Potter? It's an outrage! A scandal!**

"I never knew he thought so much of us," said Lily.

"I know," said James. "He's making me blush."

**Harry Potter not knowin' his own story when every kid in our world knows his name!'**

**'But why? What happened?' Harry asked urgently.**

**The anger faded from Hagrid's face. He looked suddenly anxious.**

**'I never expected this,' he said in a low worried voice. 'I had no idea, when Dumbledore told me there might be trouble getting' hold of yeh, how much yeh didn't know.**

"Why didn't Dumbledore come to fetch Harry?" Lily asked suddenly. "He managed it with me-with all of the Muggle borns actually- why couldn't he come and fetch Harry?"

"I dunno," said James. "He probably would have been the better person to explain everything, wouldn't he?"

**Ah, Harry, I don' know if I'm the right person ter tell yeh-**

"See? Hagrid agrees with me too."

**but someone's gotta- yeh can't go off ter Hogwarts not knowin'.'**

**He threw a dirty look at the Dursleys.**

**'Well, it's best yeh know as much as I can tell yeh- mind, I can't tell yeh everythin' it's a great myst'ry, parts of it…'**

"Get on with it, I wanna know as well!"

"Be quiet, Sirius."

**He sat down, stared into the fire for a few seconds and then said, 'It begins, I suppose, with- with a person called- but it's incredible yeh don't know his name, everyone in our world knows-'**

"Hurry up!"

**'Who?'**

**'Well- I don' like sayin' the name if I can help it. No one does.'**

"Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself."

"Moony, you're starting to sound like Dumbledore."

**'Why not?'**

**'Gulpin' Gargoyles, Harry, people are still scared. Blimey, this is difficult. See, there was this wizard who went… bad.**

"Bit of an understatement."

**As bad as you could go. Worse. Worse than worse. His name was…'**

**Hagrid gulped, but no words came out.**

**'Could you write it down?' Harry suggested. **

"Good idea. Smart kid, he is."

"Don't see how, when he's related to you, Prongs."

"Oi!"

**'Nah- can't spell it.**

"Ah. Maybe not such a good idea then."

**All right- ****_Voldemort_****.'**

Sirius looked impressed. "Wow. I didn't think he'd manage it. Not saying anything against Hagrid, mind…"

**Hagrid shuddered. 'Don' make me say it again. Anyway, this- this wizard, about twenty years ago now,**

"Merlin, that makes me feel old."

"Pads, you're 17."

"Not in the book, I'm not."

Remus shook his head.

**started lookin' fer followers. Got 'em, too- some were afraid, some just wanted a bit o' his power, 'cause he was getting' himself power, all right. Dark days, Harry. Didn't know who ter trust, didn't dare get friendly with strange wizards or witches… Terrible things happened. He was takin' over. 'Course, some stood up to him-**

Sirius looked up proudly. "That'll be us then. Not like we would just sit around reading books while he was taking over."

Lily frowned at him. "Sirius, what are we doing _right now_?"

"Oh yeah."

**an' he killed 'em.**

"Oh. Maybe not us then."

"Hopefully."

"Stop being such a miserable old git, Moony. We'll be fine. Well, apart from Prongs and Lily, obviously. Sorry guys…" he trailed off and motioned for James to continue.

**Horribly. One o' the only safe places left was Hogwarts. Reckon Dumbledore's the only one You-Know-Who was afraid of. Didn't dare try takin' the school, not jus' then, anyway.**

**'Now, yer mum an' dad were as good a witch an' wizard as I ever knew.**

"Aww, thanks Hagrid."

**Head boy an' girl at Hogwarts in their day!**

Sirius sniffed. "He says it like it's something to be proud of."

**Suppose the myst'ry is why You-Know-Who never tried to get 'em on his side before…**

"Well, he wouldn't want a Muggle-born like me anyway."

"Or a blood traitor."

**probably knew they were too close ter Dumbledore ter want anythin' ter do with the Dark Side.**

"Too right."

**'Maybe he thought he could persuade 'em…**

"Not likely."

**maybe he just wanted 'em outta the way.**

"I know the feeling." Sirius muttered. Lily and James glared at him. Seeing this, he backtracked quickly. "I don't mean _you_, Lily, obviously! It's just James! He snores, you know, and his farts are the smelliest thing in the-"

"Yes, thank you, Sirius."

**All anyone knows is, he turned up in the village where you was all living, on Hallowe'en ten years ago.**

James shivered. "Hallowe'en? He sure knows how to pick the spooky nights, doesn't he?"

"Can you imagine him trick-or-treating?" Sirius laughed.

**You was just a year old. He came ter yer house an'- an'-'**

**Hagrid suddenly pulled out a very dirty, spotted handkerchief and blew his nose with a soung like a foghorn.**

**'Sorry,' he said. But it's that sad- knew yer mum an' dad, an' nicer people yeh couldn't find- anyway-'**

Lily attempted a smile but only managed a grimace.

**'You-Know-Who killed 'em. An' then- an' this is the real myst'ry of the thing- he tried to kill you, too. Wanted ter make a clean job of it, I suppose, or maybe he just liked killin' by then.**

"Monster," Lily whispered.

**But he couldn't do it. Never wondered how you got that mark on yer forehead? That was no ordinary cut. That's what yeh get when a powerful, evil curse touches yeh- took care of yer mum an' dad an' yer house, even- but it didn't work on you, an' that's why yer famous, Harry. **

"Horrible reason to be famous," Remus said quietly.

**No one lived after he decided ter kill 'em, no one except you- an' he'd killed some o' the best witches an' wizards of the age-**

James gulped before continuing.

**the McKinnons, the Bones, the Prewetts-**

With each name, they grew steadily more shocked.

**an' you was only a baby, an' you survived.**

**Something very painful was going on in Harry's mind. As Hagrid's story came to a close, he saw again the blinding flash of green light, more clearly than he had ever remembered it before- and he remembered something else, for the first time in his life- a high, cold, cruel laugh.**

**Hagrid was watching him sadly.**

**'Took yeh from the ruined house myself, on Dumbledore's orders.**

"Wait a minute," said Remus. "The killing curse doesn't leave any marks. How did it destroy the house?"

"It probably wasn't the curse," Lily replied. "It might have been that when Voldemort was destroyed, he took the house with him."

"Bastard," said James. "I bet that house was nice as well."

**Brought yeh ter this lot…'**

**'Load of old tosh,' said Uncle Vernon. Harry jumped, he had almost forgotten that the Dursleys were there.**

"Seems quite a hard thing to do," said Sirius. "They're not exactly small."

**Uncle Vernon certainly seemed to have got back his courage. He was glaring Hagrid and his fists were clenched.**

"I bet Hagrid's terrified," said Lily drily.

**'Now, you listen here, boy,' He snarled. 'I accept there's something strange about you, probably nothing a good beating wouldn't have cured-**

They all glared at the book as if Uncle Vernon could feel their loathing through the pages.

**and as for all this about your parents, well, they were weirdos,**

"Oi!"

"Prongs, just accept it. You know it's true."

"Well, yeah, but coming from _him_!"

**no denying it, and the world's better off without them in my opinion-**

"Oh, thanks."

**asked for all they got, getting mixed up with those wizarding types-**

"How did I 'get mixed up' with them? They're my family! It's not as if I had a choice!"

**just what I expected, always knew they'd come to a sticky end-'**

**But at that moment, Hagrid leapt from the sofa and drew a battered pink umbrella from inside his coat.**

"Ooh, scary."

**Pointing this at Uncle Vernon like a sword, he said, 'I'm warning you, Dursley- I'm warning you- one more word…'**

**In danger of being speared on the end of an umbrella by a bearded giant, Uncle Vernon's courage failed again;**

"Evidently it is quite scary. I guess I was wrong."

**he flattened himself against the wall and fell silent.**

**'That's better,' said Hagrid, breathing heavily and sitting back down on the sofa which this time sagged right down to the floor.**

**Harry, meanwhile, still had questions to ask, hundreds of them.**

**'But what happened to Vol- sorry, You-Know-Who?'**

They leant forward, excited to hear the answer.

**'Good q uestion, Harry. Disappeared. Vanished. Same night he tried ter kill you. Makes yeh even more famous. That's the biggest myst'ry, see… he was getting' more an' more powerful- why'd he go?**

**'Some say he died. Codswallop, in my opinion. Dunno if he had enough human left in him to die.**

"That's a disturbing thought. What if he can never die?"

**Some say he's still out there, bidin' his time, like, but I don' believe it. People who was on his side came back ter ours. Some of 'em came outta kinda trances. Don' reckon they could've done if he was comin' back.**

**'Most of us reckon he's still out there somewhere but lost his powers. Too weak to carry on. 'Cause somethin' about you finished him, Harry. There was somethin' goin' on that night he hadn't counted on- ****_I _****dunno what it was, no one does- but somethin' about you stumped him, all right.'**

James and Lily looked at each other proudly.

**Hagrid looked at Harry with warmth and respect blazing in his eyes, but Harry, instead of feeling pleased and proud, felt quite sure there had been a horrible mistake. A wizard? Him? How could he possibly be?**

"I felt exactly the same way," said Lily. "You'll get over that feeling pretty soon, Harry."

**He'd spent his life being clouted by Dudley and bullied by Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon; if he really was a wizard, why hadn't they been turned into warty toads every time they'd tried to lock him in his cupboard?**

"Maybe," Sirius said, "they were already so much like toad that there was nothing left for you to do."

**If he'd once defeated the greatest sorcerer in the world, how come Dudley had always been able to kick him around like a football?**

"Second greatest," Sirius corrected.

Remus frowned. "You mean Dumbledore?"

"No, me."

**'Hagrid,' he said quietly, 'I think you must have made a mistake. I don't think I can be a wizard.'**

**To his surprise, Hagrid chuckled.**

**'Not a wizard, eh? Never made things happen when you was scared, or angry?'**

**Harry looked into the fire. Now he came to think about it… every odd thing that had ever made his aunt and uncle furious with him had happened when he, Harry, had been upset or angry… chased by Dudley's gang, he had somehow found himself out of their reach… dreading going back to school with that ridiculous haircut, he'd managed to make it grow back… and the very last time Dudley had hit him, hadn't he got his revenge, without even realising he was doing it? Hadn't he set a boa constrictor on him?**

Sirius chuckled. "We still definitely do need to do that to the Slytherins."

Lily raised her eyebrows at him in a disapproving manner.

"What?" he said defensively. "They love snakes! They'll probably make it their pet, call it Mini-Voldie or something…"

**Harry looked back at Hagrid, smiling, and saw that Hagrid was positively beaming at him.**

**'See?' said Hagrid. 'Harry Potter, not a wizard- you wait, you'll be right famous at Hogwarts.'**

"And what a bundle of laughs that'll be," said Lily. "Everyone whispering about him behind his back, talking about the night his parents died- oh the fun will never end."

**But Uncle Vernon wasn't going to give in without a fight.**

They all groaned. "Will you just shut up already?!" Sirius exclaimed.

**'Haven't I told you he's not going?' he hissed. 'He's going to Stonewall High and he'll be grateful for it. I've read those letters and he needs all sorts of rubbish- spell books and wands and-'**

**'If he wants ter go, a great Muggle like you won't stop him,' growled Hagrid. 'Stop Lily an' James Potter's son goin' ter Hogwarts! Yer mad. His name's been down ever since he was born. He's off ter the finest school of witchcraft and wizardry in the world. Seven years there and he won't know himself. He'll be with youngsters of his own sort, fer a change, an' he'll be under the greatest headmaster Hogwarts ever had, Albus Dumbled-'**

**'I AM NOT PAYING FOR SOME CRACKPOT OLD FOOL TO TEACH HIM MAGIC TRICKS!' yelled Uncle Vernon.**

Sirius gave a low whistle. "That's done it."

**But he had finally gone too far. Hagrid seized his umbrella and whirled it over his head, 'NEVER-' he thundered, '-INSULT-ALBUS-DUMBLEDORE-IN-FRONT-OF-ME!'**

They cheered.

**He brought the umbrella swishing down through the air to point at Dudley- there was a flash of violet light, a sound like a firecracker, a sharp squeal and next second, Dudley was dancing on the spot with his hands clasped over his fat bottom, howling in pain. When he turned his back on them, Harry saw a curly pig's tail poking through a hole in his trousers.**

Their cheers turned into howls of laughter. After a few minutes of this, Lily straightened up, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes, and said, "Oh, I hope he doesn't get into any trouble for that. But it was brilliant!"

**Uncle Vernon roared. Pulling Aunt Petunia and Dudley into the other room, he cast one terrified look at Hagrid and slammed the door behind them.**

**Hagrid looked down at his umbrella and stroked his beard.**

**'Shouldn'ta lost me temper,' he said ruefully, 'but it didn't work anyway. Meant ter turn him into a pig, but I suppose he was so much like a pig anyway there wasn't much left ter do.'**

Sirius snorted.

**He cast a sideways look at Harry under his bushy eyebrows.**

**'Be grateful if yeh didn't mention that ter anyone at Hogwarts,' he said. 'I'm- er- not supposed ter do magic, strictly speakin'. I was allowed ter do a bit ter follow yeh an' get yer letters to yeh an' stuff- one o' the reasons I was so keen ter take on the job-'**

**'Why aren't you supposed to do magic?' asked Harry.**

**'Oh, well- I was at Hogwarts meself, but I- er- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wand in half an' everything. But Dumbledore let me stay on as gamekeeper. Great man, Dumbledore.'**

"Hear hear."

**'Why were you expelled?'**

"Trust me Harry, he won't answer." said Sirius wisely. "He won't even tell _us_, and we've used our best persuasion tactics on him. If he can withstand that, he can withstand anything."

**'It's getting' late and we've got lots ter do tomorrow,' said Hagrid loudly.**

"Changing the subject. Typical."

**'Gotta get up ter town, get all yer books an' that.'**

**He took off his thick black coat and threw it to Harry.**

**'You can kip under that,' he said. 'Don' mind if it wriggles a bit, I think I still got a couple o' dormice in one o' the pockets.'**

James put the book down. "That's the end of that chapter."

"You know," said Remus, "we should probably spend at least a bit of our holiday going outside, getting some fresh air, that sort of thing."

They all nodded in agreement, none of them moving from their comfy spots on the beds.

"So, another chapter?" Lily asked, picking up the book. They all grinned, relieved. "Ooh, this one looks like it could be fun," she said. "**Chapter Five- Diagon Alley**"

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Reviewers get ice cream and jelly (or Jell-o for Americans, I think)! At some point, I'm going to run out of yummy food and I'll have to start offering money, or members of my family in return for reviews. Oh well, they'll live. You could keep them as a personal butler. Although I'm not completely sure my brother is house trained.**


End file.
